I'm not sure what to do, either. [ honestly, he never has been. he thinks maybe he should play it off and tell john it's fine, but it's so obvious it isn't. sharing even this much is a form of damage control - and maybe that's kind of fucked up, but dave can't help thinking it, even as he acknowledges it to himself.

he doesn't mention blame again. if john doesn't want to talk about it they won't talk about it. he knows if he says "i don't want to talk about dirk" they won't talk about dirk, but the more important factor here is "i don't want you to give my issue with dirk enough thought to find the truth". so there has to be some kind of truth beyond the Truth to find. ]

And I know you can't always be there. [ they lived for three years without john, and rose wasn't always there either; she was drunk, or busy, or - not around. dave relies on them but he is used to not having them there, too. in any other situation he'd pull in and not say a word, but bro has always been his biggest weakness. it has never been in a good way. ] I have to learn to handle it on my own. I just need...time. Or - I don't know. The whole trainin' idea, we stopped that, and there isn't really a thing I want to do with him that'd get me used to him. I'm willin' to do shit I don't want to do but he doesn't want that, so it's sort of, like, checkmate? I'm doin' it wrong because I can't make myself want what he wants, and if I had the dude never would have messed with his own memories. If he'd fucked that up, it would've been on me.