kagepuro: Hey. I made this. (14)
Ayano Tateyama ([personal profile] kagepuro) wrote in [personal profile] windeity 2018-03-30 05:16 am (UTC)

[all too quickly:]

this isn't about naoto or telling naoto
I know naoto would be able to handle it, and i know I'll tell her eventually

of course I'd want her to tell me the same, but I'd also understand her not wanting to, at least, right away

my problem isnt sharing this with naoto, its other me, who is kind of normal me, threw herself off a building and its raising a lot of questions about me as a person
i think that i am a lot less "genki" (thats an anime trope look it up) than i play myself up to be
do you remember the awful way i acted in the hospital?
i think that maybe that's the self I'm constantly trying to hide.
for the past two months almost I've been holding in this disturbing sadness and lying to myself about my feelings, my demeanor...

I'm not saying you're like that
but I'm telling you because i know you'll understand
and you've already seen me at my worst, when i was angry and spiteful and wanted to die

you're the only one
sorry that thrust that upon you, but its true

i don't want to talk about naoto or about my relationship, its not about that, it's just about me

i just want to talk to my friend john

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