![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
REGAIN REGISTRY FOR RECOLLÉ
REGAIN REGISTRY
JOHN EGBERT
memories
TG: shes mackin on me so hard all the time i start to feel embarrassed for her
TG: i mean not that i can blame her or anything
EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you.
TG: thank you EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing! "EB: are you in your house right now, or in one of your magical lands, or what? "well, guess what? SCIENCE IS STUPID BULLSHIT!!! "John used to know someone who spammed with red text "NOW I NEED YOU TO JOIN THIS MEMO SO WE CAN DISCUSS SOMETHING IMPORTANT." and the appearance of the FRAF banner [S] Play haunting refrain but the weird thing is thats whats cool about you. youre this naive guy like pinocchio tumbled ass backwards off the turnip truck and started liking ghostbusters. John types in a dark blue font. EB: how do you know all this? TG: fuck TG: come on dude AG: W8! 8efore you wander too far off course like a doofus, you need to know how to get to a return node! AG: So you can get 8ack to your computer. Here, hang on, I am making you a map. But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS? EB: i think the last time i talked to you, i was doing exactly what im doing now... EB: which is blasting off from my house. EB: what have you been doing this whole time??? TT: Why don't you tell me what you've been up to first?
TG: hey bro check it out im working on some new rhymes EB: dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!
The fact that he wields a giant weapon, though he doesn't know it's a hammer yet.
TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny.
Dave's webcomic, Sweet Bro and Hella JeffEB: i mean, i was just pausing for a moment... EB: to look at my trashed movie posters. EB: they bring back memories, of a life that i guess is long gone now. EB: but you probably know what that is all about. AG: Yeah, I know. EB: jade prototyped a lusus?
EB: what's that? CG: OH CG: OK, MY BAD, I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO A MEMBER OF A GENERICALLY BIZARRE ALIEN SPECIES. Alchemizing an apple tree and The meteor that struck his houseAG: Look, you are a8out to make yourself a new outfit, and THEN you will fly up and install the game. EB: oh... EB: but why would i do that? my ecto labsuit is rad! AG: 8ecause you look like an idiot! EB: :(Receiving a few different gifts from his dad on his 13th birthday.Being pranked by Nannasprite and talking to her about the Medium.JOHN: when did that happen? JADE: a couple days ago JOHN: no. no way. JOHN: i cannot accept this!JOHN: hey there. JOHN: are you dave's bro?TT: John.
EB: what? TT: You're wearing one of your disguises now, aren't you? TT: You are typing to me right now while wearing something ridiculous. EB: no, why would you even think that??Knocking over his Nanna's ashesCEB: what is going on in here?
CTG: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like ?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC. John's birthday letter to Dave"hi dave! what's so funny?" "whoa john"
what were you looking at there...hey, are you crying?" "what no" "no don't john no stop turning into wind you fickle idiot"Do the windy thing AG: fly, pupa, fly![S] Cascade until Jade teleports him onto the Prospit shipExploring LOWAS for the first timeCrashlanding on LOLAR and meeting and naming the mutant kittenCG: THAT WAS THE END OF THE LINE FOR ALPHA DAVE. TO MY KNOWLEDGE, HE DOESN'T TIME TRAVEL AFTER THAT, AND HE AND ROSE STAY ON DERSE WAITING FOR THE BOMB UNTIL YOU START THE SCRATCH. EB: i am apparently immortal, because of this god tier business, so the bomb probably would not kill me! Reviving after Bec Noir killed him and the following fight through space before he wins.GG: i went to investigate the explosion i heard EB: was it by any chance a meteor?Making a blanket fort and watching Rose toss it down a pitTEREZI: SO WH4T 1S YOUR PL4N JOHN: i don't have one. JOHN: i mean, other than to go talk to a monster who i presume to be a giant snake, and see what happens.
JOHN: i'll make sure none of this ever happens.EB: ok, i think i'm ready to take this legendary nap! EB: and then climb the god tiers, i guess?
[S] JOHN. RISE UP.EB: all i am saying is, why can't i have a dave butler too? GG: well, maybe you can..... Seeking his denizen and then finding Typheus SO...BORED... A pie to the face by Dad Egbert 
Throwing his PDA into an ocean of oil CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN. CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING. EB: hi karkat!JOHN: reunite with your loving wife and daughterVRISKA: These are my friends, Aradia and Sollux. SOLLUX: fr0m n0w 0n i sh0uld just wear a shirt that says d0n't ask me ab0ut my disability 0r my m0rtality. then everything w0uld be fine. TEREZI: D4V3 TH1NKS YOUR MOM 1S HOT JOHN: what!! DAVE: god DAMMIT terezi
JADE: his choice was presented as a kind of riddle JADE: so john accepted his denizens terms JADE: so he could play his songJOHN: wait, what? JOHN: i thought we were fighting the condesce. ROSE: We are. ROSE: The Condesce is Betty Crocker.John: Closely inspect fruit gushers box. wait...[S] John: Mental breakdownPutting Casey the Salamander in his sylladex on Rose's planetTT: That's quite a totem collection. TT: Have you seen Dave? EB: nah. EB: his bro is probably busy kicking his ass. EB: that's probably all there is to say on the matter. TT: Ok. EB: i don't know, at first i was nervous to go in and find more of his weird clowns, because of course they are stupid and i hate them a lot. TT: But anyway, whether it means you are crazy or not, consider this theory. but this is absurd, my dad LOVES these shitty clowns.JOHN: yeesh. JOHN: what a gruesome scene. JOHN: let's see... what does she want me to do here? hey terezi, when you told me to say you don't need him did you mean karkat or dave?GT: i guess you're not too bad a troll if this is all you do. GC: YOUR3 4 TOT4L D1SGR4C3 TO TH3 F13LD OF 3CTOB1OLOGY You think it's time to change your chumhandle. AG: What are these movies, anyway? They look just awful. EB: but you see, that is where you are wrong. these films are the finest earth has to offer! JOHN: hey, can i at least send a message through? JOHN: like a note or something? JADE: sure! JADE: better hurry up and write it though.
JOHN: wait a minute! JOHN: i forgot, trolls hate cleaning products for some alien reason! shit, that's going to make everyone so uncomfortable. JOHN: oh well, there it goes. too late i guess. hey everybody! this is john. actually, it is john, jade, and dave sprite. we all contributed to the contents of this bucket!GAMEOVER.JOHN: well, maybe i'm just getting a little tired of being stuck on this lame boat! JOHN: don't you think it's gotten kind of old? JADE: please dont tell me you just fell asleep in your drivewayJOHN: i was told to find a girl named roxy. ROXY: roxy huh ROXY: sounds like a babe ROXY: hay look ROXY: its jake stuffed in a blue windsockROXY: i thought you were going to regale me with stories of your ascent through the windsock tiers ROXY: such that i may through osmosis glean the vagaries of godhood JOHN: so that's... JOHN: pretty much the whole story? MEENAH: hey you MEENAH: god tier boy MEENAH: water you doin there blue boy JOHN: hi. JOHN: which troll are you? JOHN: snoozing mystery girl, look out!!!JOHN: what do you think they will be like by then? JOHN: do you think karkat will have driven them all insane? JOHN: at this point i could not give less of a rat's ass about romancey stuff! Act 7 up to 4 minutes in Jade Harley is the Witch of SpaceJOHN: actually...
JOHN: you know that ring? JOHN: i have it now. VRISKA: Holy crap, dude. Where is your sense of curiosity????????AG: John!!!!!!!!
AG: You're heading into the 8lackout, so I won't 8e a8le to see you until you leave. AG: You can't fool me, John. I know you are not staying dead for long. AG: Anyway, if you actually get around to reading any of this, thanks for listening, John. Exploration of the castle, his conversation with Grimdark Rose, and finding his dad, Rose's mom, and Jack Noir until Jack stabs him to death.Trickster mode at Rose and Kanaya's wedding
Finding Roxy with Rose's body and talking about how to fix things until Terezi shows up.EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR. EB: but how did he do that? what was different about what we did versus what you did? CG: FRANKLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ORIGINAL THING THAT TIPPED THE SCALE WAS.EB: you typed my name in 64 bit.
AG: Wow. What a nerd! EB: so, you seem to like 8's a whole bunch, and i guess you are like, kind of spidery themed or something? AG: Yeah! EB: haha, spiders are gross! AG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!Vriska's tantrum about treasure and sticking his hand in it and disappearing.JOHN: so tell me about your ridiculous meteor journey! DAVE: um
EB: oh hell no, you put this thing in front of the door? TT: There's a door there? EB: um, YEAH??? and the birth of a kernelsprite
Timeline hopping adventures and coming back to TereziBirthdaySnapchats in whichJohn and Dave argue about the importance of birthdays
Meeting up with Roxy on LOWAS but talking about canonical livesBouncing bullshit with pogo hammersSnapchats between John and CalibornJOHN: i can't believe she had to spend all that time on the ship thinking i was dead... JOHN: i mean, i guess i WAS dead. but... JOHN: the thought of changing the time line is still mind boggling to me. JOHN: if i really can control it now, i should be able to come back here any time i want.
JOHN: which means i won't be gone long!Ectobiology and becoming ECTOBIOLOBABYSITTERKARKAT: HOW IN THE CONTEMPTIBLE NAME OF MY PERMANENTLY HATE-SOILED JERKOFF TROUSERS CAN YOU ***POSSIBLY*** BE HERE?! JOHN: no, i'm not doing this! JOHN: i'm not explaining the retcon shit again! and then he promptly disappearsJOHN: NOOOOOO, TEREZI! JOHN: DON'T DO IT!!! As he punches Vriska in the face and he and Terezi argueFollowing Vriska's battle orders and then splitting up.TT: Nanna said to build, so that's what I'm doing. EB: oh yeah. ok. Ok, you obviously don't have enough grist yet for something that ambitious. But you can get started with something of a foundation for upward construction, at least.Meanwhile with imps John finds himself facing a huge ogre.JOHN: jaspers, no!!!
JOHN: it's fine if you want to sing me the birthday song but for the love of god, don't MEOW it!!!! as John slams into a wall.GC: JOHN S33 TH4T B1G P13C3 OF JUNK TH3R3 EB: the rocket pack? GC: Y34H C4PTCH4LOGU3 TH4T 4ND S3ND M3 TH3 COD3 GC: ONC3 YOU M4K3 1T 1M SUR3 3V3N YOU 4ND YOUR UND3RD3V3LOP3D BON3 NOOK W1LL B3 4BL3 TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TO DO
GC: T4LK TO YOU ON TH3 OTH3R S1D3 >:]GG: john where did you get that nice flying car?????? EB: oh god dammit! EB: maybe if i fly around in this car with this guy beeping here, the noise will get his attention and he will find me. EB: no, i don't have it yet. EB: my dad has the mail and i guess i have to go get it from him and see if it's there. TG: hope you like hammers dude! EB: yeah, that's fine i guess. i can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant. GG: john, i already found your dad! GG: in the meantime, why dont you fly around and keep looking? GG: at least now you know to look for a castle GG: and maybe the clouds will give you some more tips! Homosuck. Like. Walking through and being stuck in Homosuck and reject clones. abilities
Sylladex (10 cards) Strife Specibus (Hammerkind) Godtier divinity (flight, sense of aspect, and being able to breathe in space ig)40 additional cards for his sylladexThe Windy Thing: full use of his aspect to control the breeze, create cyclones, turn into the breeze, etc.items
Magic chest and items Wrinklefucker Vodka Mutini aka Dr. Meowgon Wise Guy Slime Suit Slime shirt
Spade shirt
Ring of Life (without magic properties)
Letter from JadeDad's PDA with the dad-forumThe bunny Dave gave himThe original Sassacre and Nanna's letterJohn's part of the Sburb walkthroughSerious Business Goggles, a hands-free computing deviceRemote ghost gauntletsTelescopic SassacrusherBirthday letter to RoseHis blue and white ghost blanketPesterchum chat clientVriska-fied outfitSprite necklaceMatthew McConaughey poster with a tear in the foreheadBirthday letter to DaveBirthday letter to JadeLetter from JakeWarhammer ZillyhooGodtier pajamasSBaHJ autographed poster and selfie of Dave Strider
Several of the snapchat pictures from the ending credits of this dumb comic.
His crown from the human kingdomPop-a-matic Vrillyhoo
Dad's hat and pipeTerezi's bloody scarf with retcon instructionsJohn's childhood home
Rose's Sburb walkthroughEctobiologist suitCardboard cut-outs of Jade, Dave and RoseDad's Wallet sylladex including everything inside.appearance
THING THING THING
1.
TG: plz say yes
TG: maybe you can play with TT shes been pestering me all day about it
TG: shes mackin on me so hard all the time i start to feel embarrassed for her
TG: i mean not that i can blame her or anything
EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you.
TG: thank you
EB: jk haha."
2.
EB: it is just that, uh...
CG: WHAT
EB: i am not a homosexual.
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
EB: it is like, when a boy likes another boy.
EB: or i guess hates, in this case.
CG: HUMANS HAVE A WORD FOR THAT?
EB: yes.
CG: HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING?
EB: shrug. it just is.
CG: HUMAN ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD.
EB: i am just as confused by your troll shenanigans.
EB: so many shenanigans!
3.
EB: just curious cause you can see me, but i can't see or know anything about you!
CG: WE'RE HIDING IN THE VEIL.
CG: WHAT'S LEFT OF IT.
EB: what's that?
CG: IT'S A HUGE BELT OF METEORS
CG: ORBITING WAY OUTSIDE SKAIA, BEYOND THE ORBIT OF THE PLANETS
CG: DIVIDING THE MEDIUM FROM THE FURTHEST RING
CG: WHERE DERSE ORBITS.
EB: derse?
CG: THE DARK PLANET.
CG: PROSPIT'S THE LIGHT ONE NEAR SKAIA.
EB: well jeez, how am i supposed to know any of this??
CG: YOU'D PROBABLY FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER FROM YOUR DUMB GRANDMA.
CG: BUT BY FUSING WITH THE SPRITE SHE HAS TO WITHHOLD STUFF AND BE MYSTERIOUS AND ALL.
CG: TO MAKE YOUR ADVENTURE SEEM MORE "MAAAAAAGICAL!!!!"
CG: IT'S INFURIATING.
EB: ok, so the veil is a bunch of meteors...
EB: what do you mean "what's left of it"?
CG: OK, THERE COMES A TIME WHEN BLACK INEVITABLY BEATS WHITE
CG: ON THE BATTLEFIELD IN THE CENTER OF SKAIA
CG: THE WHITE KING IS CAPTURED OR KILLED OR SOMETHING
CG: THAT'S WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS.
EB: ok...
CG: THE RULERS OF DERSE
CG: THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN
CG: GET THE POWER TO SEND THE VEIL TOWARD SKAIA
CG: TO DESTROY IT
CG: THAT KIND OF STARTS YOUR BIG "COUNTDOWN"
CG: WHEN SHIT GETS SERIOUS.
EB: so then it's up to us to save it?
CG: YEAH, YOU HAVE THAT LONG TO KILL THE BLACK QUEEN AND KING
CG: AND SKAIA ITSELF SORT OF BUYS YOU SOME TIME
CG: BY ACTIVATING ITS DEFENSE PORTALS
CG: TO CATCH SOME OF THE METEORS
CG: THE THREAT GETS BIGGER THE LONGER YOU TAKE THOUGH
CG: SMALLER METEORS COME FIRST AND THEY GET PROGRESSIVELY BIGGER AND BIGGER
CG: AND THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH OF THEM SKAIA CAN ABSORB FOR YOU.
EB: ok, but it sounds like we've got plenty of time before that happens, right?
CG: THAT'S JUST IT.
CG: YOU DON'T.
CG: ORDINARILY YOU WOULD BUT
CG: YOUR RECKONING STARTS MUCH SOONER
CG: BECAUSE OF SOME DUMB THINGS YOU'VE DONE
CG: YOU COMPLETELY BLEW IT ALREADY AND YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING ANYMORE
CG: WHICH ORDINARILY WOULD BE FINE
CG: JUST ANOTHER BUNCH OF LOSERS TO FAIL AT THIS GAME
CG: IT'S WHAT YOU DO LATER THAT CAUSES SO MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN THAT
CG: AND NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT TOO.
EB: oh no...
EB: what is it?
CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU.
CG: IT'S INEVITABLE AND COMPLETELY POINTLESS TO TALK ABOUT ANYWAY.
EB: yeah, well...
EB: maybe you're wrong!
EB: maybe there's something we can still do to stop it, if you just help us?
CG: I'M NOT WRONG, IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME, YOU FUCK UP ROYALLY, END OF STORY.
EB: ok, we'll see about that, mr. sourbulge.
EB: hey, aren't you kind of uncomfortable sitting on a meteor?
EB: are you all huddled in a crater or something?
CG: NO, THERE'S ALL KINDS OF CRAZY SHIT IN THE VEIL.
CG: A LOT OF THESE METEORS ARE KIND OF LIKE...
CG: BIG SEEDS.
EB: seeds?
EB: um...
EB: well, what kind of crazy shit is there?
CG: STUFF LIKE...
CG: BUILDINGS
CG: FACILITIES
CG: LIKE LABS AND STUFF.
EB: weird.
CG: YEAH, THE VEIL IS KIND OF LIKE NEUTRAL GROUND FOR THE KINGDOMS, LIKE OUR PLANETS.
CG: SOME PLACES ARE USED TO GENETICALLY ENGINEER SOLDIERS AND AGENTS FOR THE TWO SIDES.
CG: USING GENETIC MATERIAL FROM THE EXOTIC MENAGERIE OF CHESS PIECES ON THE BATTLEFIELD.
CG: TO HELP FUEL THE WAR AND KEEP RAISING THE STAKES.
EB: wow, i don't think i'm following this.
CG: YEAH NO SHIT!
CG: BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT WHEN YOU GET THERE
CG: SINCE YOU WERE IN THE VEIL WHEN WE LAST TALKED.
CG: ANYWAY THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH INFO FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT AND BE LESS STUPID IN TIME FOR CONVERSATIONS WE'VE ALREADY HAD.
4
JADE: light travels at a hundred and eighty six thousand miles per second no matter what frame of reference youre in... even this one!
JADE: second of all special relativity and comparing laws of physics between different frames of reference, those are tricky issues to talk about!
JADE: but id be more than happy to talk about them if youd like. actually i would enjoy that because i never really get to talk about science wi...
JOHN: no, i don't want to talk about physics! i don't know anything about the laws of physics, because they are hard and boring.
JOHN: i simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! is that really asking too much?
JADE: yes as a matter of fact it is!
JOHN: well, guess what? SCIENCE IS STUPID BULLSHIT!!!
JADE: you take that back!!!!!
JOHN: no.
JOHN: magic is awesome.
JOHN: science blows.
JOHN: the end.
5
EB: memo?
CG: CLICK THE AWESOME BANNER I MADE.
CG: image
EB: uh…
EB: ok.
6
7
TG: fuck
TG: come on dude
EB: oh yeah...
EB: you're the orange dave.
EB: hey no offense, but do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?
TG: god dammit
TG: i am the real dave
TG: you know the one who saved your life
TG: im more real actually cause ive been through some heavy shit already hopping around on red hot gears and i-beams for like a year
TG: and grinding shit out for your ungrateful ass
TG: here look check out this code from the future not that you deserve it WIin189Q
TG: youre fucking welcome
EB: wow, calm down!
EB: i'm sorry, that's not really what i meant...
EB: i mean, of course you're a real dave, but what i mean is...
EB: the dave from my time is also my friend, and i guess he's in the same boat i'm in, not knowing stuff and all.
EB: and i'd feel bad keeping him out of the loop!
8
AG: So you can get 8ack to your computer. Here, hang on, I am making you a map.
EB: but i know where i'm going!
EB: terezi already made me a map.
AG: What!!!!!!!!
EB: first she made a really crappy one, then a really nice one that works kind of like google.
EB: she started helping me after she tried to kill me.
AG: Ugh. She is still trying to one up me I see. Even preempting my awesome helpfulness!
AG: When did she do that? I mean from my perspective? Do you think she already did it, or hasn't done it yet?
EB: wow, how could i possibly know that!
AG: I don't know. Forget it.
AG: I will show her though. I will show her the meaning of helpfulness.
AG: I will help this little human nerd under the ta8le. The very same ta8le you dined at, while I w8ted on you prong and fucking nu8.
EB: you mean like a candle light hate date?
AG: God, no!!!!!!!! With a human? Gross.
EB: oh...
EB: well then, thanks, i guess?
9
10
MINUS:
TG: no shit your deal is wind not time
TG: youre on easy street what is there even to think about with wind
TG: like what angle to blow it at to fly a damn kite or how gentle its gotta be to make a picnic go swimmingly
TG: making a goddamn killing in the lohacse
EB: lohacse?
TG: lohac stock exchange
EB: um...
EB: lohac?
TG: my planet
TG: land of heat and clockwork dude come on
TG: you know like gears and lava and shit
11
EB: what have you been doing this whole time???
TT: Why don't you tell me what you've been up to first?
12
TG: hey bro check it out im working on some new rhymes
EB: dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!
TG: come on this is hells of ill just listen
EB: it sounds like you don't even believe me that i was about to get blown up!
EB: but i really was, but now im in some weird dimension that sburb sent me to or something.
EB: and now on top of that i think i'm being haunted by my dead grandma!
TG: huh
TG: for real
EB: yeah, it's true but i'll talk to you later about it!
13
TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today
EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny.
TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here
EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage?
14
EB: i mean, i was just pausing for a moment...
EB: to look at my trashed movie posters.
EB: they bring back memories, of a life that i guess is long gone now.
EB: but you probably know what that is all about.
AG: Yeah, I know.
EB: it wasn't even that long ago, but it already seems like forever since i was on earth!
EB: it was a pretty nice place, i bet you would have liked it.
AG: It seems a little too sunny for my liking.
EB: well, what about you? do you miss your planet, and your parents and such?
AG: The life I left 8ehind wasn't so hot, to 8e honest.
EB: oh. that's too bad.
15
EB: jade prototyped a lusus?
EB: what's that?
CG: OH
CG: OK, MY BAD, I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO A MEMBER OF A GENERICALLY BIZARRE ALIEN SPECIES.
CG: I GUESS SOME HUMANS HAVE A LUSUS, WHILE OTHERS DON'T? WHATEVER.
CG: HER LUSUS IS THE CREATURE WHICH SERVES AS HER CUSTODIAN.
EB: oh, you mean her dog!
CG: I GUESS
EB: so, she prototyped becquerel?
EB: why is that so bad?
CG: JOHN, DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS?
CG: IS THIS HOW HUMAN FRIENDSHIP WORKS? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER?
CG: HER LUSUS EXHIBITS THE PROPERTIES OF A LEGENDARY ENTITY CALLED A FIRST GUARDIAN.
CG: IT IS AN ABSOLUTE MONSTROSITY.
16
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, shut up!
AG: Fine. I will hold your hand every step of the way, since that's apparently how you want to do this.
EB: but it isn't!
AG: I said shut up!
AG: Look, you are a8out to make yourself a new outfit, and THEN you will fly up and install the game.
EB: oh...
EB: but why would i do that? my ecto labsuit is rad!
AG: 8ecause you look like an idiot!
EB: :(
17
JOHN: when did that happen?
JADE: a couple days ago
JOHN: no. no way.
JOHN: i cannot accept this!
JADE: john its ok you dont have t...
JOHN: you and dave sprite were like the glue holding everything together on this miserable road trip!
JADE: we were?
JOHN: yes, jade.
JOHN: you were our rock.
18
JOHN: hey there.
JOHN: are you dave's bro?
JOHN: ...
JOHN: hey!
JOHN: did you hear me?
JOHN: where is everyone?
JOHN: i'm john by the way.
DIRK: John.
DIRK: Could you please just leave me alone.
19
EB: haha, remember when you made that ugly thing?
CG: WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT SHIPPING, OR MY LUDICROUS STRANGLEHOLD OVER ALL TOPICS CONCERNING ROMANCE, I'M STILL TALKING.
CG: HE WOKE UP ALIVE ON DERSE, AND MET WITH ROSE.
CG: THAT WAS THE END OF THE LINE FOR ALPHA DAVE. TO MY KNOWLEDGE, HE DOESN'T TIME TRAVEL AFTER THAT, AND HE AND ROSE STAY ON DERSE WAITING FOR THE BOMB UNTIL YOU START THE SCRATCH. BUT I CAN'T SEE EITHER OF THEM BECAUSE OF THE BLACKOUT LINGERING AROUND ROSE FOR WHATEVER REASON. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT'S UP WITH THAT.
CG: REGARDLESS, HIS JOB IS TO PLOT A COURSE THROUGH THE RING TO FIND THE SUN.
CG: WHEN HE DOES, EITHER HE OR ROSE WILL DELIVER THE BOMB.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHICH.
EB: but now they don't have dream selves left!
EB: who ever goes will be risking their life for good, won't they?
CG: THAT WOULD BE THE LOGICAL EXTENSION OF THOSE FACTS, YES.
EB: this is unacceptable!
EB: couldn't i do it?
EB: i am apparently immortal, because of this god tier business, so the bomb probably would not kill me!
CG: OK, BUT DON'T YOU THINK THERE'S A REMOTE POSSIBILITY THAT GOING ON A SUICIDE MISSION TO SAVE ALL OF REALITY WOULD COUNT AS A HEROIC DEATH?
EB: hmm...
EB: maybe i could try to be not all that brave while i do it?
CG: YOU ASSHOLE, OF COURSE YOU'D BE BRAVE. THAT TENDS TO BE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING COURAGEOUS.
EB: yeah.
EB: i just don't want to lose anybody else is all.
CG: THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS. I'VE LOST FRIENDS FOR WAY MORE POINTLESS REASONS. YOU'RE ALL OUT OF OPTIONS HERE.
CG: YOU'D BE RISKING DEATH JUST AS MUCH AS THEY WOULD, AND THEY'RE BETTER QUALIFIED TO HANDLE THE MISSION AS THE DERSE DREAMERS.
CG: JADE'S DREAM SELF IS DEAD TOO, SO SHE'S OUT. OR TO BE MORE SPECIFIC, HER DREAM SELF IS AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL DOG WHO WENT OFF WHIMPERING SOMEWHERE. I'M PRETTY SURE SHE WILL BE COMPLETELY USELESS.
EB: oh, yeah.
EB: she mentioned something about that. she said she prototyped her dream self?? what happened with that?
CG: SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT. KIND OF A SORE SUBJECT.
EB: why?
CG: SHE THINKS SHE'S SELFISH AND COMPLETELY HYSTERICAL AND I GUESS HATES THE PART OF HERSELF SHE REPRESENTS.
CG: BUT I MEAN, THE THING IS SHE SPENT A LONG TIME BEING DEAD AND MOVING ON, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN JUST BRING SOMEBODY BACK AND EXPECT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ALL THE STUFF YOU THINK IS IMPORTANT.
CG: I'VE TRIED TO TELL HER THAT HER SPRITE SELF IS PROBABLY NOWHERE NEAR AS DESPICABLE AS SHE'S MAKING OUT WITH HERSELF TO BE.
CG: I MEAN
CG: MAKING HERSELF OUT TO BE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
EB: ...
CG: LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING
CG: WE'VE ALL GOT FLAWS, EVEN HER
CG: AND FOR ALL THE SHIT SHE'S GIVEN ME ON THIS VERY SUBJECT, SHE KEEPS HERSELF DANGLING FROM A VERY HIGH HOOK.
CG: SHE'D BE DOING ME A MAJOR PERSONAL SOLID BY MAKING AT LEAST SOME ATTEMPT TO GET HERSELF OFF.
CG: WAIT
CG: FUCK
CG: WHAT DID I JUST SAY
EB: wow.
CG: I MEANT LET HERSELF OFF.
CG: THE HOOK. THE FUCKING HOOK, IT'S A FIGURE OF GODDAMN SPEECH.
EB: /raises eyebrows
CG: PUT THOSE THE BACK DOWN, BEFORE MY HOT ACID RAGEBREATH BURNS THEM OFF YOUR IDIOTIC FACE.
EB: ok, i am putting them back down as not suggestively as possible.
CG: WHAT WERE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT, IT WASN'T THIS, WHATEVER THIS IS.
EB: what is what this is?
CG: IT'S NOTHING, YOU SHIT. IT HAS BEEN THE CONVERSATIONAL EQUIVALENT OF US WHISTLING THROUGH OUR SNORT BARRELS WHILE TOUCHING EACH OTHER INAPPROPRIATELY.
EB: was...
EB: was that another weird erotic slip of the tongue?
CG: NO, THAT WAS ME BEING WORKED UP INTO THIS RIDICULOUS FUCKING CONNIPTION AND SAYING SOMETHING INFLAMMATORY, GOD. HOW DOES THAT NOT BE CLEAR BY NOW???
EB: ok, well,
EB: what i am getting from this, aside from the possibility that jade may or may not have kissed dog jade at some point, is that neither of them will be able to help with the bomb plan.
CG: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT! THE PAJAMA PRODIGY USED HIS PUZZLE SPONGE TODAY.
CG: BESIDES, JADE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER IMPORTANT PARTS OF THE PLAN.
CG: FOR ONE THING, YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR HER TO SEND YOU THE CODE FOR THE QUILLS.
CG: YOU CAN'T SCRATCH THE MESA WITHOUT THEM.
CG: SHE GOT THEM FROM HER DENIZEN, OR WILL LATER ON HER TIMELINE, NOW THAT SHE LIT THE FORGE AND WOKE THE MONSTER UP.
EB: aren't those the really tough to kill guys?
CG: YEAH
EB: did she kill him?
CG: HELL IF I KNOW, HER EXPLANATION OF THE ENTIRE ENCOUNTER BOILED DOWN TO AND I QUOTE "shenanigans"
CG: LIMED FOR INFURIATINGLY VAGUE.
EB: haha.
CG: ANYWAY, AFTER SHE GIVES THAT TO YOU, SHE THEN HAS TO GO THROUGH WITH THE REST OF THE PLAN, WHICH IS MAKING SURE YOU ALL SURVIVE AFTER THE SCRATCH, MINUS ONE OF THE DERSE DREAMERS OF COURSE.
CG: THE PLAN REVOLVES AROUND SOME REALLY BAFFLING HAND WAVEY MUMBO JUMBO WHICH I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT SHE TOLD ME TO TRUST HER ABOUT IT BECAUSE THE INFO COMES FROM A "Reliable informant."
CG: WHITENED FOR SMUG TOOL.
CG: IT INVOLVES SOMETHING TO DO WITH A YELLOW LAWN RING.
CG: WHICH ISN'T THE HUMAN WORD FOR IT, IT'S JUST YOUR WORD IS SO DUMB I FEEL DUMB SAYING IT.
EB: word for what?
CG: I GUESS YOUR ENTIRE ESCAPE PLAN SOMEHOW PIVOTS CRITICALLY AROUND AN UNWATERED PIECE OF RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY???
CG: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT MEANS. JADE SAYS SHE HAS THIS FIGURED OUT, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO MUCH BUT TRUST HER
CG: THE POINT IS, SHE'S ALL BOOKED UP, AND ALL TOO MORTAL. SO SHE WON'T BE DELIVERING THE BOMB, AND NEITHER WILL YOU.
20
EB: this boring guy keeps blinking at me though, and it's weird.
GG: john!!! :D
GG: wow, finally!
EB: hi!
EB: sorry i disappeared after you entered the game...
EB: but from what i have seen in the clouds, it doesn't look like you have had much trouble making progress!
GG: nope!
GG: dave was able to set up as my server player
GG: he is building up my house right now so that we can deploy some equipment up there
EB: oh, nice!
EB: dave is serving ALL the ladies, isn't he?
GG: yep!
EB: he is like a dude on butler island.
EB: i mean, a dude who happens to be one of the butlers...
EB: doing a lot of serving, to various ladies who are vacationing at this snooty resort.
EB: wait, i am fucking this up.
GG: :o
GG: thats ok, i wont tell him about it
EB: ok, good.
EB: all i am saying is, why can't i have a dave butler too?
GG: well, maybe you can.....
GG: i will try to put in a good word for you B)
EB: thank you.