windeity | RECOLLÉ INBOX 3.0

[She glances up at the sky, giving a thoughtful pause.]

Adulthood is pretty ominous, so that's probably a fair statement. I'm turning eighteen next month, if you want to do anything.

You're not wrong. [But oh? Ohhhhh? His eyes light up a little at the idea.] Oh yeah? What day? I mean the answer is yes regardless but what day exactly?

March 10th, which is on a Saturday this year. I'm not really sure what I want to do yet, but... Yeah.

Leave that to us. [Us...okay, John.] Saturdays are usually planned anyway so we can definitely figure out a good thing to do for your birthday. I'll talk to Dave when we get back if you don't mind? We can keep it casual, too.

Wait, you don't have to, like... Do anything. Or plan anything. We can just grab lunch or something if you want.

It's still something, don't worry about it. It is really not a big deal and we will not make it a big deal. I promise.

Okay.

[She glances down at her horse to make sure she's still keeping the right course, continuing to break eye contact as she speaks.]

It's been a while since I've done something, like, non-family related for my birthday. It might be nice.

You didn't have birthday parties the last couple of years? [He doesn't mind that she's focusing elsewhere and instead picks up on the conversation easily.] Family birthdays are nice, but I've always liked having both options.

Not really. I had just moved here a few years ago, and... I don't know. It's tough, when everybody already knows each other. [A smirk.] Unless you've got a bizarre past life to connect all of you.

Anyways, I joined a lot of clubs and stuff, but I wouldn't really call anyone I met friends.

Even with the bizarre past life stuff it is kind of hard. Trust me, I get it. A lot of my early friendships when I moved here were because they were friends with Dave first. Breaking in isn't easy.

[That's a little strange, though fitting with what she's told him before.] And then the network happened and helped a little. Do you think you know enough people now that you could call friends?

...Yeah, I think so. Which is weird? I mean, it's not like I've never had friends before, but this is the first time I've made them through some reincarnation and/or amnesia bullshit.

[A shrug.]

I think the same could be said for most of us. But I mean...I think I like these friends more than my old friends from high school. [He focuses on his horse to make sure he's going the right way.] It feels more real to me.

Yeah... It's weird to think about. I mean, I had friends at my old school and a few of them wrote me for a while, but now - even if we were still in contact before November, we wouldn't be anymore, because of the weird shit going on with communication outside the city.

[A thoughtful hum.]

It's weird to think we spent most of our childhood together and now we can't talk to them at all. You know?

...[A shrug.] I mean in a way when you put it like that, yeah, sure. But I don't know. I think maybe I just have kind of accepted some people won't last forever even without weird communication issues.

...That's pretty cynical, dude.

[Yeah, maybe. There's another shrug...but right. Maybe an explanation.]

My mom died when I was born, my dad left when I was thirteen and I haven't heard from him since, and because of weird communication issues in the city I haven't talked to my nanna since Novemberish. And that's just stuff in this lifetime. I do not know if this is being cynical or factual.

[It's lucky they're on horseback, because if they were walking, she would stop in her tracks at that. As it is, she stiffens, keeping her eyes trained on him even as her expression changes to one of surprise and concern.]

John, I... Holy shit. I didn't realize.

[...whoops.]

I know. Sorry, I didn't really know how to mention it before when it was never really relevant. But um...yeah. My opinion might be a little different because of that so maybe don't listen to me? [He tries to play it off with a teasing tone but also yeah, that's out there. Great.]

...You don't have to apologize, and you especially don't have to say I shouldn't listen to you.

[She chews at her lip.]

I just... Never knew any of that. That's all.

It's not really the first thing I want to tell people when I planned on kind of starting over here. In a way it's almost unfair since I am pretty sure Jack killed my dad when I was thirteen, too? What's up with losing family members at thirteen? Stupid.

...anyway the point is I value my friendships here and now more than family I haven't spoken to or never met and people I left behind. I wouldn't say no to seeing my dad again or knowing more about my mom, but given how high school ended I cannot say I miss it.

[There's a few things she wants to say that, but first she should probably ask...]

How did high school end?

Well...my girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks after my 18th birthday and a few weeks before graduation and before prom, she put a huge dent in the side of my car that I should probably fix, I realized that everything I was doing up to that moment actually didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, most of my friends were just going to college because it was expected and that's what I was going to do, too, until I realized I should probably try to do something and...I don't know. I just realized that my whole life was kind of weirdly insignificant and I wanted to do better. It's why I stopped going out every weekend and drinking every weekend and why I moved here.

[Tada...surprise, Nat.]

[She falls silent for a moment, glancing at the ground, before she looks back to him.]

Your life is so not insignificant, no matter what.

[But...]

Is it better, now that you're here?

I know that now. I just...I don't know. When I was dating Vic it was a lot easier not to think about my dad being gone or missing music and focus on social standing and sports and being liked enough so people wouldn't leave. I wanted to be enough.

[This is hilariously deep and soul-baring for being on horseback but whatever.]

But yeah. It is. [There's a grin.] I feel a lot more like myself now. Whoever that was and is supposed to be. It just fits better.

High school is hard enough without... all of that. I'm sorry about your dad. Um, both of them. But you're also enough no matter what.

[That last part earns a soft smile.]

I'm glad it got better, too.

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