[...that seems to do it. He laughs suddenly and finds himself moving to sit on the ground instead, looking at Dave from across the room and full-on pleased with that answer.]
Jade didn't get it at all. Even when I explained it. [He loves Jade though, the same way he loves all of them.] There were a lot of times I thought about you guys, too, and what you were doing and knowing that there were just things you guys would get that Jade wouldn't and vice versa. It was...off. Everything.
[A beat.] I think the word you are thinking, then, is "the future." [Because really, what's stopping them from making up for lost time now?]
Shut up, it was not! [It totally was.] I am just saying that is a thing that I would consider the future. We're having these conversations now, right? [SEE???]
Losing my phone was not always my fault, you can't blame me for everything. [But he gets it seeing how he's having a hard time even looking that annoyed.] Telepathy is still weird, but I think I am getting more used to it now. So yeah. I guess we're constant.
That was definitely not my fault? My stupid sylladex launched it out the window. [A beat.] I mean I maybe threw it into an ocean of oil on LOWAS but that's different.
You only won round one. The debate's still going and team Egbert will strike back when you aren't looking. Trust me. It is all part of the plan. [But...sigh.]
Like I said, I think I'm ready to keep going. The island is mostly full of mysteries and no answers.
[...the hesitance isn't missed and he looks up curiously, drawing his legs to his chest and eyeing Dave just as cautiously. He doesn't say anything at first, but there's a nod to indicate he should continue. The "we" isn't a mystery to him at all.]
there's a few minutes of silence as dave debates completely backtracking, before he decides he wants to check with someone, and he doesn't want to hear rose's analyzation about it; he wants to hear from someone who epitomizes normal for him if he's overreacting or underreacting or...reacting all wrong in some other way. he can't tell any longer, and dave is at least self-aware enough to know he doesn't have the distance he needs to gauge what would be logical. ]
He made a math workbook for us to go through together, or whatever. [ which seems like a weird activity, maybe, but dave has always liked math and john probably knows that. this seems innocuous enough? ] And then apparently destroyed his memories of all the problems?
[ dave decides not to append his own opinion to this, simply staring at john to see if the latter half of the explanation gets any reaction. to see if it gets dave's reaction, specifically, and to gauge exactly what he should be feeling.
[He's patient enough and even while Dave's silent John's learned that he just has to wait it out even if it sort of drives him crazy. He stays seated and makes no sudden movements or sounds aside from picking at a loose thread in his jeans before Dave speaks.
And then. John thinks about that.]
Why would he destroy his own memories? [The question is unsure and equally baffled, if only because as far as he's aware wouldn't changing memories change timelines and who Dirk is? Sure, okay, maybe they would fill in later once he resolved the problems but that's still a little alarming if it means Dirk's regard for himself is...that, basically.] That's what he told you?
[Yeah. He knows. And it's for that reason he's not even sure how to feel about that and his expression shifts back to something blank.]
He said this after it was already done before even checking if that would be something that would be interesting to both of you? [He's not accusing Dirk of anything, but he's busy putting together pieces in his head.]
I think it would only be on you if you said "hey Dirk, I want a challenge for both of us so I think you should figure out a way to make this harder than necessary" and since that sounds like me and not you...
[What a mess.] I know we talked about this and I know what he is trying to do, but...it's still weird, isn't it?
[ his shoulders slump in something that might halfway be relief or something near to it. ]
So you think that was a bit much, too. [ it's not just dave being too sensitive. ] I just kept thinkin' "what if you'd fucked it up, though" after he said and I don't think I was great company after that.
Dirk is...a little intense, based on what you've told me. [So yeah, he thinks it's a little too much and his tone expresses it well enough. He's been okay with John, a little awkward sometimes but okay. Knowing what he knows, and knowing a little of how Dirk feels about Dave, he can only haphazardly guess.] Jake made it sound like once Dirk focused on wanting to be friends and hang out with someone it's hard for him to disengage.
[Which. Is hard for someone like Dave who wants space. Even John knows that despite being privileged enough to falsely believe Dave wants space sometimes.] I think maybe he would do anything if he thought it would give him ground to level with you, but I also don't think he actually sees it as that because he doesn't really know you. He just knows the guy in his own timeline. [There's a pause as he wets his lips with his tongue, thoughtful for a moment as he thinks of how to explain.]
I didn't tell you about how I first met him, did I? In our own universe and whatever.
[ there's a lot in there dave could respond to or comment on - and maybe he will later, at some point, but for now he responds to the question asked. ]
No. [ he'd asked dirk what he'd done to make john seem a little awkward about the topic of dirk, way back on day zero, but the answer hadn't been explicit as to how they'd met, really. ]
Well. I figured out how to zap back to our own timeline after bouncing around everywhere, but by the time I got there everything was already over. Everyone was gone. There was all this, like, glitchy shit everywhere because the timeline was a mess, and when I found him he told me that he had failed and disappeared straight into the glitches. [So, technically, Dirk also died.]
Dirk was the first person I saw when I got here. Before Jake, before you and before Rose. He's who I found in the woods and we headed back to the mansion. And we talked a little and...I don't know. It was my fault, too, and he argued with me about it for a long time. It was my fault I don't know how those powers work, but he kept insisting it was his because there was a fragment of himself inside Jake's head that Jake made real and then that piece of him or whatever failed everybody else. And because of that failure he fucked off into the glitches and that was that.
...Roxy was pretty upset about it, but I sort of wonder if this is normal behavior. He seems really caught up on what destruction means. [There's a shrug.] But the thing is that you can't be taking on someone else's expectations either? Like. That's not fair. That would be the same if Jade was here and Jake wanted her to be like his Grandma or Jane was around and I expected her to act like Nanna. Dirk told me that the other version of you left behind a whole bunch of movies and stuff, just ideas and fragments of who you were in that timeline and that's how Dirk is working. Fragments. Fragments and destructive decisions because he's apparently used to that.
I don't know how isolation works, but it's like those guys in the movies when they are alone and stranded in the desert forever, and then they come across a fresh water source and try to drink way too much too fast because that is what they have been missing. You are the water in this case, and going too fast is going to make you disappear.
[ dave actually does understand isolation. they never left the apartment much; bro would take him out sometimes, occasionally, for shopping trips where dave wasn't sure he got much of anything of use. the hyperbolic training chamber was just another variation of isolation, though. when they were in the apartment bro was always there but dave could only rarely see him and if he could it was bad news. he understood very well what it was like to be alone.
john and rose and jade had been his water source.
even so. even so, he's uncertain how to handle any of it, and there are too many reasons why and none john knows. dave frowns, and then after a minutes pushes off the bed to stand. there's another hesitation before he walks over and crouches in front of john. ]
It wasn't your fault. [ this was not remotely the point of john's story but that's the part dave can process and acknowledge and address, in a quieter and more serious than usual tone. ] Rose would tell you the same thing. She will, if you ever say that to her. It wasn't your fault.
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[ why is he being tested on pop culture knowledge. ]
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Jade didn't get it at all. Even when I explained it. [He loves Jade though, the same way he loves all of them.] There were a lot of times I thought about you guys, too, and what you were doing and knowing that there were just things you guys would get that Jade wouldn't and vice versa. It was...off. Everything.
[A beat.] I think the word you are thinking, then, is "the future." [Because really, what's stopping them from making up for lost time now?]
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[ but he's maybe smiling, just a hair. ]
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[ he's teasing. ]
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[ SO WHO IS TELLING THE TRUTH ok she embellished maybe but ]
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Like I said, I think I'm ready to keep going. The island is mostly full of mysteries and no answers.
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[ he hesitates, joking smile fading a little, and eyes john from across the room. ]
So, [ soooooooooo. ] earlier today, when we made the clothes...
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Did something happen?
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there's a few minutes of silence as dave debates completely backtracking, before he decides he wants to check with someone, and he doesn't want to hear rose's analyzation about it; he wants to hear from someone who epitomizes normal for him if he's overreacting or underreacting or...reacting all wrong in some other way. he can't tell any longer, and dave is at least self-aware enough to know he doesn't have the distance he needs to gauge what would be logical. ]
He made a math workbook for us to go through together, or whatever. [ which seems like a weird activity, maybe, but dave has always liked math and john probably knows that. this seems innocuous enough? ] And then apparently destroyed his memories of all the problems?
[ dave decides not to append his own opinion to this, simply staring at john to see if the latter half of the explanation gets any reaction. to see if it gets dave's reaction, specifically, and to gauge exactly what he should be feeling.
this is stupid. ]
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And then. John thinks about that.]
Why would he destroy his own memories? [The question is unsure and equally baffled, if only because as far as he's aware wouldn't changing memories change timelines and who Dirk is? Sure, okay, maybe they would fill in later once he resolved the problems but that's still a little alarming if it means Dirk's regard for himself is...that, basically.] That's what he told you?
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[ a curiously flat tone, of, well. yeah, john can guess how much dave enjoys people doing things like that for his sake? ]
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He said this after it was already done before even checking if that would be something that would be interesting to both of you? [He's not accusing Dirk of anything, but he's busy putting together pieces in his head.]
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[ WITHOUT ASKING. SO HE COULD ABSCOND. ]
I didn't really know what he meant or what he was gonna do, but I...agreed. So. It is on me.
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[What a mess.] I know we talked about this and I know what he is trying to do, but...it's still weird, isn't it?
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So you think that was a bit much, too. [ it's not just dave being too sensitive. ] I just kept thinkin' "what if you'd fucked it up, though" after he said and I don't think I was great company after that.
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[Which. Is hard for someone like Dave who wants space. Even John knows that despite being privileged enough to falsely believe Dave wants space sometimes.] I think maybe he would do anything if he thought it would give him ground to level with you, but I also don't think he actually sees it as that because he doesn't really know you. He just knows the guy in his own timeline. [There's a pause as he wets his lips with his tongue, thoughtful for a moment as he thinks of how to explain.]
I didn't tell you about how I first met him, did I? In our own universe and whatever.
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No. [ he'd asked dirk what he'd done to make john seem a little awkward about the topic of dirk, way back on day zero, but the answer hadn't been explicit as to how they'd met, really. ]
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Dirk was the first person I saw when I got here. Before Jake, before you and before Rose. He's who I found in the woods and we headed back to the mansion. And we talked a little and...I don't know. It was my fault, too, and he argued with me about it for a long time. It was my fault I don't know how those powers work, but he kept insisting it was his because there was a fragment of himself inside Jake's head that Jake made real and then that piece of him or whatever failed everybody else. And because of that failure he fucked off into the glitches and that was that.
...Roxy was pretty upset about it, but I sort of wonder if this is normal behavior. He seems really caught up on what destruction means. [There's a shrug.] But the thing is that you can't be taking on someone else's expectations either? Like. That's not fair. That would be the same if Jade was here and Jake wanted her to be like his Grandma or Jane was around and I expected her to act like Nanna. Dirk told me that the other version of you left behind a whole bunch of movies and stuff, just ideas and fragments of who you were in that timeline and that's how Dirk is working. Fragments. Fragments and destructive decisions because he's apparently used to that.
I don't know how isolation works, but it's like those guys in the movies when they are alone and stranded in the desert forever, and then they come across a fresh water source and try to drink way too much too fast because that is what they have been missing. You are the water in this case, and going too fast is going to make you disappear.
[...so maybe he got carried away.]
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john and rose and jade had been his water source.
even so. even so, he's uncertain how to handle any of it, and there are too many reasons why and none john knows. dave frowns, and then after a minutes pushes off the bed to stand. there's another hesitation before he walks over and crouches in front of john. ]
It wasn't your fault. [ this was not remotely the point of john's story but that's the part dave can process and acknowledge and address, in a quieter and more serious than usual tone. ] Rose would tell you the same thing. She will, if you ever say that to her. It wasn't your fault.
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