uh huh. ok, sure. anyway, that sort of makes sense. jade was some kind of badass and i was a famous stand-up comedian on their side of the scratch. jake told me a little about it. and i think it is kind of cool you stayed the same. that is a thing i want, yes. i can go back to bed while you are training with dirk and then you me and rose can start mapping out stuff to do tomorrow. i have no plans either. it is still lame, dude, but ok i get your point. i have never really understood rose and her mom but yeah. dad and i used to do that.
[RIP Dad Egbert.]
i think the presents without the passive aggressive stuff would be preferable but i am not great at being passive aggressive either. so i will leave that to rose.
oh my god of course you were of course in the alternate post apocalyptic end with the like dystopia or whatever im not sure i fully understand even though i heard the explanation you became a stand up comedian thats actually really comforting ngl i hope we knew one another then even if you would have been an old man when i was like a young twenty something that would have been pretty cool and ok good i will be back before you know it i also have to do some training in the evening but thats a different kind and shouldnt take that long and also yeah we should leave that to rose
is it ok if i bring that stuff up if i mention your dad or jade or do you want me to not do that
that's what jake said! i guess it makes sense even if you and jade and rose did some cool stuff. i do not think i mind much. and maybe we did! that would not be the weirdest part of their timeline.
[Granted, he knows that he was definitely already dead by the time Jake and Jane met, so he has to wonder.]
just remember you're older than me in our timeline. but good, ok, sweet. i will be here, kind of plotting the demise of all crabs on the island or something. what kind of training are you doing in the evening though? like your normal kind?
[There's another pause.]
that seems fine. i miss them a lot, but i will see them again soon whenever we get back and i fix everything. so it's ok.
[ and dave will still have rose even if john leaves them to go do that.
so.
it's okay. ]
i think youre underestimating how cool what you did was in whatever mixed up world you ended up in you were still capable of being kind and funny and yourself and i think thats not a thing everyone could say about themselves especially since to my understanding the evil alien empress may or may not have raised you? not totally clear on that part but i dont think theres anything to mind you were your own version of heroic and its the kind ive always admired most
as to the evening training yeah i havent had anyone to do sword shit with beyond myself in literal years since normally i just loop myself backwards and fight myself? but that is not a thing i have to do atm or a thing i can do really ergo sword fights in the evening and maybe some training stuff for dirks powers or whatever rather than mine he like asked me to help him with that
[Someday John will figure things out. Today is not that day.
There's also a very long pause because wow, Dave, that. Is so much. He's very unsure of what to say because that's so much and he wants to believe it but. Wow. It's sort of overwhelming so he just does as he always does. He laughs it off.]
...according to jake i was raised by the batterwitch, yeah. jade ran away and i did not. i guess maybe that is something, sure. heroic by trying to make everything funny. i get it though. um. thanks. that means a lot, anyway.
at least you will not have to fight yourself, so that is something. have you already started training with him? did you start last night or is today your first night? it almost sounds like you guys are trading since he is helping you and you are helping him. are you just doing more drawings for him to fix?
[ it's okay, dave is a master in laughing shit off. he lets it happen. ]
we had a match the other day but it wasnt like full on official training? it was just a thing we did it went ok i won
[ he says it casually, thinks it casually, like he hadn't almost killed dirk on accident and like it didn't shake the foundations of his universe to actually win. ]
but i think that is kind of a trade we are doing? he wanted me to help him think of creative uses for his powers or whatnot and it keeps me in practice to have someone to strife with but it wont be drawings to fix what he has to learn to do is how to fix things under pressure strife more or less will do that im also gonna probably throw random shit at him
[That's all he says at first because like. He's used to hearing about Bro kicking Dave's ass in their strifes.]
i mean i guess after three years of downtime that means you really were good before the trip to the new universe. that is sort of awesome. are you sure that is really a good idea though?
[That's said before he can fully form his thoughts.]
not that there is anything wrong with dirk but the whole strife crisis training that you are implying. or whatever it is you are implying.
right guess all that time fighting random game baddies and training myself actually came in useful i mean admittedly the dude is also 16 like us but it was still semi surreal and ftr i still trained on the meteor dude i just trained myself
also no i got what you mean i didnt mean to imply it quite like that though im not gonna do anything that would get either of us hurt i just mean i will ask him to destroy things and then be an annoying nuisance of a distraction
well when i said i was gonna throw shit at him i meant that part literally though but it will be nonharmful stuff maybe apples but that was for training not just a random statement of i will throw things at him like he said to train him on power shit and that came to mind make him do it while things are in motion does that sound stupid maybe it sounds stupid but anyway i didnt mean anything hella difficult crisis mode because why that sounds needlessly dramatic and not even useful
[Oh my god that is so many words? There's a pause that is surely John trying to understand everything Dave is saying and a moment in which he tucks his head into his blankets a little further.]
we fought a lot in the game so i never thought you were bad at it? it just means you got a lot better which is cool. surreal is a good word? i am still trying to grasp the idea of jade's grandpa being our age, and if jane ever came that would be a thing, too. timelines can be confusing.
good. you are actually pretty great at being a distraction so he will get a lot of good training in, but i think throwing apples would actually hurt a little? apples are not exactly soft, dude. oh. wait i get what you mean. never mind. i do not think it sounds stupid coming from the time player who is used to things constantly being in motion, no. training isn't a bad idea for our powers. rose and i should maybe do the same? i should figure out if i can predict how my fusions will work or not. i tried fusing stuff last night. they didn't stick, but i think that is because i am slowly dying a crab-infested death.
[ john it's dave he can't do things briefly sometimes... ]
leave the timelines to the pros dude also idk i guess im kinda used to that its just like weird which i guess it wouldnt be for you in the exact same way although maybe it would be? you met nannasprite or whatever its weird seeing someone you legitimately knew and grew up with as an adult as this unrelated teenager who knows none of the shit about you they otherwise would rose thought it would be interesting but i mostly see it as like another of the weird facets of our lives doing meet and greet stuff with your biological relatives who raised you is extremely strange and yet its not even the strangest thing any of us have ever done
i dont think power training is a bad idea except i do think its a bad idea while youre sick you absolute moron so maybe avoid it? but like i figure i should learn to draw stuff on the fly actually wellish thus art lessons and training and whatever
also if you die ill never forgive you ftr do you know how hard it is to find people who actually respond to my texts even partially let alone occasionally in full its fucking impossible john
i met nannasprite but it wasn't like she was exactly like my nanna? not really. it was cool having her around for a while since i never really got to know her but all i ever knew of her were ashes. so ok. i can see how it would be weird? rose and roxy are different, i think, and rose would probably find it cool to get to know her and i know roxy wanted to know rose, too. i'm still not sure how things with jane would go. jake seems okay, but even knowing we are related it is hard to think of him as that and not "jade's teen grandpa."
i didn't say i would do it when i'm sick! in general! i want to get better at it if this is the power i am stuck with now. we should get you like a dry-erase board or something so you always have something to draw on.
i am glad that is the only argument against my death. thanks. also tbf your texts are pretty long and i think i am just used to it after being your friend for years. but i know my best assets now so that is a plus.
yeah i cant think of him as not "dude who looks like john" or "jades weird grandpa but a teen" though i have only seen him in passing but admittedly im not biorelated to him so its less weird for me than it is for you since like yeah ive pretty much only talked to dirk out of that set though
dude you said you tested it on shit last night and didnt do well because lo and behold sick also im not totally convinced i cant draw shit in the air like lets just get rose to enchant something to draw light things in the air you connect it to a pen and bam im set instant weaponry
that sounds like youre fishing for compliments egbert which is ridiculous because you know youre one of my top three favorite people
he's actually pretty nice. i haven't spoken to him much, but he seems okay. i think out of all of them i have spent the most time talking to roxy so my ideas of them are different, probably. you would like her. roxy. if you haven't talked to her yet in person. dirk is a little confusing but i am starting to understand i think.
i tried testing it and the fusion just did not stay, that's all. it fell apart and it was stupid. a light pen sounds pretty sweet though. if we got rose to help make a light pen and also make me a bag to keep everything in so we can fuse stuff on the go we would be totally set!
shut up, i am not fishing for anything. i am just saying. and i know. and you're one of mine, that part isn't really a question either. i really am happy you and rose are here. it was kind of weird on the ship knowing i wouldn't see you for three years. i didn't like it, actually.
i find it hard to believe anyone who was related to you and jade wouldnt be nice so that holds up in court dirk said the same thing about roxy multiple times that id like her and or that i was like her? which is i guess genetics at work
ok but how do we get you not to lose the bag johnny boy
yeah that part of our transcendent magical journey sucked ass i missed you guys
it sounds kinda biased but ok, haha. she did remind me of you, yeah. in a good way? idk she was really nice and she was easy to talk to. i hope she's ok.
i have not lost my mirror yet? or my belt? so i think a bag would stand a chance.
i missed you guys, too. bird you was around but it wasn't the same. and he and jade hung out a lot, and i had nanna and the chess guys and my consorts but. it wasn't the same.
yeah, i guess you are pretty okay. i saw her right before i came here. roxy and i were splitting up to talk to our denizens and after that this happened. so i think she is probably still going. i am not going to let anything happen to her though, don't worry.
an accomplishment of the highest order. i'd like to thank all of the little people who helped me get to where i am today.
i will do my best not to fuck it up? but i still don't think it is entirely a time thing, it is other stuff, too. once i talk to typheus i will know.
you will get a mention when you come back.
oh. yes. jade shrunk down all of our planets and brought them with us on our trip. it was the only way to get them to the new session, i think? they were sort of nice to have. space powers and all that.
oh huh so the first time you saw strider casa wasnt when you were zapping around and abandoning your best bro to evil sisters? i would have tidied up if id known wed have company
you have the least developed snooping instincts of anyone ive ever met also i suppose i will let you off the hook for avoiding sweet bro hangouts on the grounds evil jade was pretty evil and you couldnt just clock her b/c jade
i just do not really see the point of snooping when there are other things i can do.
[Like pretending to be Rose and trolling Kanaya, for instance.]
no offense but i am not sure i'd want to go through your bro's puppet hideaway? but you are right, i cannot punch my own sister even if she was all evil and growl-y. i mean not really. at least she's not anymore.
if it helps id rather kill myself than harm rose so like i get it
[ he's aware, however, that he could. he doesn't have the proof he might have in the other timeline, the one where he'll behead someone in order to stop a fight because he has t, but. yeah. ]
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anyway, that sort of makes sense. jade was some kind of badass and i was a famous stand-up comedian on their side of the scratch. jake told me a little about it.
and i think it is kind of cool you stayed the same.
that is a thing i want, yes. i can go back to bed while you are training with dirk and then you me and rose can start mapping out stuff to do tomorrow.
i have no plans either.
it is still lame, dude, but ok i get your point.
i have never really understood rose and her mom but yeah. dad and i used to do that.
[RIP Dad Egbert.]
i think the presents without the passive aggressive stuff would be preferable but i am not great at being passive aggressive either. so i will leave that to rose.
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of course you were
of course in the alternate post apocalyptic end with the like
dystopia or whatever im not sure i fully understand even though i heard the explanation
you became a stand up comedian
thats actually really comforting ngl
i hope we knew one another then
even if you would have been an old man when i was like a young twenty something
that would have been pretty cool
and ok good i will be back before you know it
i also have to do some training in the evening but thats a different kind
and shouldnt take that long
and also yeah we should leave that to rose
is it ok if i bring that stuff up
if i mention your dad
or jade
or do you want me to not do that
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and maybe we did! that would not be the weirdest part of their timeline.
[Granted, he knows that he was definitely already dead by the time Jake and Jane met, so he has to wonder.]
just remember you're older than me in our timeline.
but good, ok, sweet. i will be here, kind of plotting the demise of all crabs on the island or something.
what kind of training are you doing in the evening though? like your normal kind?
[There's another pause.]
that seems fine. i miss them a lot, but i will see them again soon whenever we get back and i fix everything. so it's ok.
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so.
it's okay. ]
i think youre underestimating how cool what you did was
in whatever mixed up world you ended up in you were still capable of being kind and funny and yourself
and i think thats not a thing everyone could say about themselves
especially since to my understanding the evil alien empress may or may not have raised you?
not totally clear on that part
but i dont think theres anything to mind
you were your own version of heroic
and its the kind ive always admired most
as to the evening training yeah
i havent had anyone to do sword shit with beyond myself in literal years
since normally i just loop myself backwards and fight myself?
but that is not a thing i have to do atm
or a thing i can do really
ergo sword fights in the evening
and maybe some training stuff for dirks powers or whatever rather than mine
he like
asked me to help him with that
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There's also a very long pause because wow, Dave, that. Is so much. He's very unsure of what to say because that's so much and he wants to believe it but. Wow. It's sort of overwhelming so he just does as he always does. He laughs it off.]
...according to jake i was raised by the batterwitch, yeah. jade ran away and i did not.
i guess maybe that is something, sure. heroic by trying to make everything funny.
i get it though. um. thanks. that means a lot, anyway.
at least you will not have to fight yourself, so that is something.
have you already started training with him? did you start last night or is today your first night?
it almost sounds like you guys are trading since he is helping you and you are helping him.
are you just doing more drawings for him to fix?
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we had a match the other day but it wasnt like
full on official training?
it was just a thing we did
it went ok
i won
[ he says it casually, thinks it casually, like he hadn't almost killed dirk on accident and like it didn't shake the foundations of his universe to actually win. ]
but i think that is kind of a trade we are doing?
he wanted me to help him think of creative uses for his powers or whatnot
and it keeps me in practice to have someone to strife with
but it wont be drawings to fix
what he has to learn to do is how to fix things under pressure
strife more or less will do that
im also gonna probably throw random shit at him
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[That's all he says at first because like. He's used to hearing about Bro kicking Dave's ass in their strifes.]
i mean i guess after three years of downtime that means you really were good before the trip to the new universe. that is sort of awesome.
are you sure that is really a good idea though?
[That's said before he can fully form his thoughts.]
not that there is anything wrong with dirk but the whole strife crisis training that you are implying. or whatever it is you are implying.
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guess all that time fighting random game baddies and training myself actually came in useful
i mean admittedly the dude is also 16 like us but it was still semi surreal
and ftr i still trained on the meteor dude
i just trained myself
also no i got what you mean
i didnt mean to imply it quite like that though
im not gonna do anything that would get either of us hurt
i just mean i will ask him to destroy things and then be an annoying nuisance of a distraction
well
when i said i was gonna throw shit at him i meant that part literally though
but it will be nonharmful stuff
maybe apples
but that was for training not just a random statement of i will throw things at him
like
he said to train him on power shit and that came to mind
make him do it while things are in motion
does that sound stupid
maybe it sounds stupid
but anyway i didnt mean anything hella difficult crisis mode
because
why
that sounds needlessly dramatic and not even useful
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we fought a lot in the game so i never thought you were bad at it? it just means you got a lot better which is cool.
surreal is a good word? i am still trying to grasp the idea of jade's grandpa being our age, and if jane ever came that would be a thing, too.
timelines can be confusing.
good. you are actually pretty great at being a distraction so he will get a lot of good training in, but i think throwing apples would actually hurt a little? apples are not exactly soft, dude.
oh. wait i get what you mean. never mind.
i do not think it sounds stupid coming from the time player who is used to things constantly being in motion, no.
training isn't a bad idea for our powers. rose and i should maybe do the same? i should figure out if i can predict how my fusions will work or not.
i tried fusing stuff last night. they didn't stick, but i think that is because i am slowly dying a crab-infested death.
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leave the timelines to the pros dude
also idk i guess im kinda used to that
its just like
weird
which i guess it wouldnt be for you in the exact same way
although maybe it would be?
you met nannasprite or whatever
its weird seeing someone you legitimately knew and grew up with as an adult
as this unrelated teenager
who knows none of the shit about you they otherwise would
rose thought it would be interesting but i mostly see it as like
another of the weird facets of our lives
doing meet and greet stuff with your biological relatives who raised you is extremely strange
and yet
its not even the strangest thing any of us have ever done
i dont think power training is a bad idea
except
i do think its a bad idea while youre sick
you absolute moron
so maybe avoid it?
but like i figure i should learn to draw stuff on the fly
actually
wellish
thus art lessons and training and whatever
also if you die ill never forgive you ftr
do you know how hard it is to find people who actually respond to my texts even partially let alone occasionally in full
its fucking impossible john
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so ok. i can see how it would be weird? rose and roxy are different, i think, and rose would probably find it cool to get to know her and i know roxy wanted to know rose, too.
i'm still not sure how things with jane would go. jake seems okay, but even knowing we are related it is hard to think of him as that and not "jade's teen grandpa."
i didn't say i would do it when i'm sick! in general! i want to get better at it if this is the power i am stuck with now.
we should get you like a dry-erase board or something so you always have something to draw on.
i am glad that is the only argument against my death. thanks.
also tbf your texts are pretty long and i think i am just used to it after being your friend for years.
but i know my best assets now so that is a plus.
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though i have only seen him in passing
but admittedly im not biorelated to him so its less weird for me than it is for you
since like
yeah
ive pretty much only talked to dirk out of that set though
dude you said you tested it on shit last night and didnt do well because
lo and behold
sick
also im not totally convinced i cant draw shit in the air
like
lets just get rose to enchant something to draw light things in the air
you connect it to a pen
and bam im set
instant weaponry
that sounds like youre fishing for compliments egbert
which is ridiculous because you know youre one of my top three favorite people
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you would like her. roxy. if you haven't talked to her yet in person.
dirk is a little confusing but i am starting to understand i think.
i tried testing it and the fusion just did not stay, that's all. it fell apart and it was stupid.
a light pen sounds pretty sweet though. if we got rose to help make a light pen and also make me a bag to keep everything in so we can fuse stuff on the go we would be totally set!
shut up, i am not fishing for anything. i am just saying.
and i know. and you're one of mine, that part isn't really a question either.
i really am happy you and rose are here.
it was kind of weird on the ship knowing i wouldn't see you for three years.
i didn't like it, actually.
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so that holds up in court
dirk said the same thing about roxy
multiple times
that id like her and or that i was like her?
which is i guess genetics at work
ok but how do we get you not to lose the bag johnny boy
yeah
that part of our transcendent magical journey sucked ass
i missed you guys
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she did remind me of you, yeah. in a good way?
idk she was really nice and she was easy to talk to.
i hope she's ok.
i have not lost my mirror yet? or my belt? so i think a bag would stand a chance.
i missed you guys, too. bird you was around but it wasn't the same. and he and jade hung out a lot, and i had nanna and the chess guys and my consorts but. it wasn't the same.
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im fucking phenomenal
but thanks
i hope she is too
rose would be wrecked if she werent
shit youre right you have gone not quite 24 hours without losing something
what was i thinking
we need to host awards ceremonies pronto
oh right i kinda forgot davesprite ended up with you guys
although i kind of knew you had our planets?
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i saw her right before i came here. roxy and i were splitting up to talk to our denizens and after that this happened. so i think she is probably still going.
i am not going to let anything happen to her though, don't worry.
an accomplishment of the highest order. i'd like to thank all of the little people who helped me get to where i am today.
yeah. he did.
[Stupid feathery ghost-butt asshole.]
how do you kind of know something like that?
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i trust you
youre the one nontime person ill allow to fuck with time
that is a piss poor acceptance speech where was my m ention
also i figured you did because like
lofaf was uh there?
at the end there
like we were on it
so i assume you guys had it
because we sure didnt
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you will get a mention when you come back.
oh. yes. jade shrunk down all of our planets and brought them with us on our trip. it was the only way to get them to the new session, i think? they were sort of nice to have.
space powers and all that.
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so the first time you saw strider casa wasnt when you were zapping around
and abandoning your best bro to evil sisters?
i would have tidied up if id known wed have company
haha jk i totally would not have
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also it's not like i wanted to abandon you but i kind of had to?
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also i suppose i will let you off the hook for avoiding sweet bro hangouts
on the grounds evil jade was pretty evil
and you couldnt just clock her b/c jade
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[Like pretending to be Rose and trolling Kanaya, for instance.]
no offense but i am not sure i'd want to go through your bro's puppet hideaway?
but you are right, i cannot punch my own sister even if she was all evil and growl-y.
i mean not really.
at least she's not anymore.
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so like
i get it
[ he's aware, however, that he could. he doesn't have the proof he might have in the other timeline, the one where he'll behead someone in order to stop a fight because he has t, but. yeah. ]
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[He knows how they both are. There's a lull.]
can you guys...maybe stay alive while we are here?
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