windeity | CANON NOTES

Entry tags:

! canon review

CANON NOTES

ACT ONE

ACT TWO

ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

ACT FIVE

ACT SIX

Edited 2017-07-11 23:24 (UTC)

Edited 2017-07-17 01:41 (UTC)

Action: fight Crude Ogres
Item: Sburb walkthrough pt 5: John's notes
Action: Vanquish Crude Ogres
Convo: Pesterlog with Rose "But I think I've determined that activating the timer in the game is not directly responsible for summoning a meteor to your location."
Item: Ceramic porkhollow with boondollars
Convo: Spritelog with Nannasprite "When you pass through the first gate, everything will change. You will find the place where the constellations dance beneath the clouds. And then your true work may begin.
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!"
Location: Dad's room
Items: Birthday presents from Dad. (Control deck, Gushers, suit.)
Item: Array Fetch Modus
Item: Queuestacks
Action: have a mental breakdown about Gushers
Convo: Pesterlog with Jade "why do your guys'es birthdays got to be all bunched together like that??? you are running me ragged!"
"i've been thinking of changing my pesterchum handle to throw them off the trail. so..i guess i'm gonna do that."
Convo: Pesterlog with Rose " are you ok? hasn't your house been on fire for like... five hours now?"
"Have you seen Dave?" "nah. his bro is probably busy kicking his ass. that's probably all there is to say on the matter."
"Are you suggesting that imps are responsible for defacing your movie posters?" "uh, YEAH?" "Your posters have looked like that ever since I first saw your room."
Convo: Pesterlog with Rose cont'd "implying that i drew them a while ago and then forgot and couldn't see them and now suddenly see them. that's stupid, what would that even mean."but what are you getting at? it sounds like you're saying i'm crazy!"
"i dunno. not sure about all of this. but i think we need to stop and acknowledge the bunny sassacre fedora i just made."
"I don't think brick chimneys were meant to serve this architectural purpose." "yeah no shit!"
Action: doublepunch blank cards
Item: Hammerhead pogo ride
Item: Green Slime Ghost Suit
Item: Wise Guy Slime Suit
Item: Serious Business Goggles
Item: Telescopic Sassacrusher
Item: Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers
Item: Remote Ghost Gauntlet
Item: Barber's Best Friend
Item: Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb
Action: clean up Ghost Dad poster
Item: Cosbytop
Item: Wrinklefucker
Convo: Pesterlog with Dave "bro just kicked my ass"
Item: Birthday letter to Rose
Item: Birthday letter to Dave
Item: Birthday letter to Jade

Edited 2017-07-17 03:21 (UTC)

Location: LOWAS (And Walkthrough)
Convo: Pesterlog with Jade "ok sure i am convinced. you have me convinced. (PSYCHIC PSYCHIC PSYCHIC.) also i told you the package was in the car but i never mentioned that the game was there too. so kind of totally busted i guess."
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat "ok, this time i'll believe you that you aren't human. because the skepticism center of my brain is starting to wear kind of thin i guess. but you're still a major asshole and i don't actually want to talk to you, so bye."
"friendship isn't an emotion fucknuts. "
"YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONES PLAYING THE GAME. EVERY GROUP OF PLAYERS GETS THEIR OWN DISTINCT, BLANK SLATE SESSION. AS WILL BE EXPLAINED TO YOU MANY TIMES."
Convo: Spritelog with Nanna "All the gates do, John. To ascend, each time you must first descend!"
Action: See a fuckton of monsters in LOWAS and attack a fuckton of monsters in LOWAS
Action:
You could have sworn that strange man was holding your copy of Colonel Sassacre's
Action: throw Barbasol Bomb into volcano OH GOD HOW CAN SHAVING CREAM BE SO FLAMMABLE
Action: Behold the big gust of wind. Be rejoiced by salamanders
Convo: Pesterlog with Rose "are you in kind of this spooky glowy place with oily rivers and stuff? let me know ok."
"rose i feel weird when you're just TALKING to me, when you're watching me it's just like the weird frosting on the big weirdo cake."
Convo: Pesterlog with Terezi "YOUR3 4 TOT4L D1SGR4C3 TO TH3 F13LD OF 3CTOB1OLOGY. 1F W3 3V3R M33T, 1M GO1NG TO CUT YOUR THRO4T 4ND L1ST3N TO YOU BL33D WH1L3 1 SM3LL YOU D13"
Action: Change handle to ectoBiologist
Item: Dad's car
Convo: Pesterlog with Terezi "so you can "see" my whole future there, right? by just like, scrolling around on some computer thing that lets you pick what time to talk to me? how can you be bored by my long boring future, why don't you just scroll around to wherever you want like the other weirdos are doing?"
Item: Terezi's map
Action: Take shortcut
Action: Reunite with your loving wife and daughter
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat "i am just acting out a scene from an awesome movie and having some fun, what's wrong with that?"
"i don't know why you guys are doing this to yourselves. all this time jackassery, it's giving me a headache."
"TELL HER TO POLISH MY HEAVING BONE BULGE AND SET A TABLE FOR FUCKING TWO ON IT. ITS FOR OUR CANDLE LIGHT HATE DATE." i like how you guys have basically resorted to trolling each other, through us." "FUCK YOU."
Convo: Pesterlog with Terezi "JOHN STOP HUGG1NG THOS3 S4L4M4ND3RS 4ND B31NG SO STUPIDLY 4DOR4BLE. W3 4R3 ON 4 STR1CT CH3AT1NG T1M3T4BL3 H3R3."
Location: Typheus's Palace "3V3RY PL4N3T H4S 4 D3N1Z3N TH4T L1V3S D33P UND3RGROUND SL33P1NG 4ND GU4RD1NG 4 HUG3 GR1ST HO4RD." "ok..." "TH3 W4Y DOWN TO 1TS L41R 1S THROUGH TH3 P4L4C3." "so you want me to go down there and kill him? won't that be, uh, kinda hard?"
Convo: Pesterlog with Terezi "ok... but you can't just "subtract" object codes from other codes! it's like, mathematically, um...ambiguous. like just reverse AND/OR'ing the flower pot alone could make hundreds of possibilities."
"1M G1V1NG 4LL TH3S3 COD3S TO OUR H4CK3R GUY" "oh man, you have a hacker?? i bet he is THE BEST!!!! hackers are always the best."
Item: "Rocketpack"
Convo: Pesterlog with Terezi cont'd. "well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. it was because shut up. shut up is why. i guess i'll make this rocket now. and see if this dumbass code actually does the trick."
Item: Rocketpack
Convo: Pesterlog with Dave "i don't know, just do what it says! it knows stuff about the game, so it probably knows better than i do...i gotta go! gonna blast off to the seventh gate. and, uh, win this game i guess." "ok well it definitely sounds like youre fucking something up over there but alright later"
Item: Casey
Action: Blastoff
Convo: Pesterlog with Dave "ok its me from the future" "huh?" its me. i just appeared from the future wearing a rad suit. he says dont go or youre gonna die."
"remember, you are talking to the pranking MASTER." "ok that was probably the dumbest thing you ever said just now" "if future you is real, then why don't you let me talk to him." "do you hear what youre saying oh my god. this guy is me if i get him to talk to you youre just talking to me again jesus it proves nothing"
"if our friendship means anything youll listen to me and past dave"
"just stay on the goddamn ground for fucks sake" "ok, i guess..."
Item: Birthday letter from Dave
Action: Reconsider
Convo: Pesterlog with Dave "so you believe me then about future me and like him turning into a floating sword bird" "um... ok, i don't know anything about that... but it doesn't matter! you're my best bro, and if you say not to go then i won't go."
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat "what i mean is...are you in your house right now, or in one of your magical lands, or what? just curious cause you can see me, but i can't see or know anything about you!" "WE'RE HIDING IN THE VEIL. WHAT'S LEFT OF IT." "what's that?" "IT'S A HUGE BELT OF METEORS ORBITING WAY OUTSIDE SKAIA, BEYOND THE ORBIT OF THE PLANETS DIVIDING THE MEDIUM FROM THE FURTHEST RING WHERE DERSE ORBITS." "derse?" "THE DARK PLANET. PROSPIT'S THE LIGHT ONE NEAR SKAIA."
"maybe there's something we can still do to stop it, if you just help us?" "I'M NOT WRONG, IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF ME, YOU FUCK UP ROYALLY, END OF STORY."

REFERENCE: Recap of whole story up until now

Convo: Pesterlog with Terezi "what's this?" "1T'S YOUR WORLD M4P W1TH YOUR S3COND G4T3 L4B3L3D SO YOU C4N GO TH3R3" "oh man, let me drop everything and go there, because i'm in such a huge hurry to take more of your advice!"
Item: "LOWAS Map"
Action: Enter Second Gate to LOLAR
Item: Dr. Meowgon Spengler
Convo: Pesterlog with Davesprite "the progression of gates is like this whole round robin thing cycling through each planet gate 2 on your planet leads to gate 2 on roses then you build up to gate 3 above her house which leads somewhere else on her planet you look for gate 4 somewhere there which leads to gate 4 above my house and so on."
"oh yeah... you're the orange dave. hey no offense, but do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?" god dammit i am the real dave you know the one who saved your life" "wow, calm down! i'm sorry, that's not really what i meant... i mean, of course you're a real dave, but what i mean is... the dave from my time is also my friend, and i guess he's in the same boat i'm in, not knowing stuff and all. and i'd feel bad keeping him out of the loop!"

"oh, hey. i think i pissed off your future self." "what did you do" "i said he wasn't the real dave." "ahahahahaha" "i think i might have really hurt his feelings though!" "pff dont worry about it" "why not?" "cause i wouldnt give a shit and hes me"

"hey dave..." "what" "in case i forgot to say so before... thanks for saving my life!" "yeah"

Convo: Pesterlog with Dave cont'd "ok i dont know what youre doing here but i think we can both agree that youve got to rummage through as much of her shit as possible before she wakes up"
"isnt that your birthday package there" "oh, yeah, i think it might be." "maybe you should look at it i dont think it counts as snooping since its technically yours" "yeah, maybe. i wonder if she finished...she was so tight lipped about the damn thing! i am really curious."

Location: Rose's room
Item: This Ocean Charles
Item: Bunny and birthday letter from Rose
Action: deploy Casey
Convo: Pesterlog with Kanaya "oh, yeah. that's me! i am the rose human. look at me, i am so smart with all these snooty words and complicated things to say. i am the queen of books."
Item: Fear No Anvil
Convo: Pesterlog with Davesprite "i thought you couldn't use hammers." "i cant. better be though got it from hephaestus" "who's that?" "really tough to kill dude" "you killed him for it?" "nope" "how'd you get it then?" "shenanigans" "ok."
Action: Prank Rose
Action: Blastoff with Dr. Meowgon
Location: Island on LOLAR
Action: Aggress monsters with Fear No Anvil
Action: Stand on platform and disappearify
Location: Ectobiology Lab
Item: Junior Ectobiologist's Lab Suit
Item: House-monitors
Action: Examine monitor 1 December 1995
Action: Create paradox ghost imprint of Nanna
Action: Examine monitor 4 December 1995
Action: Create paradox ghost imprint of Grandpa
Action: Examine monitor 3 December 1995
Action: Create paradox ghost imprint of Bro
Action: Examine monitor 2 April 1996
Action: Create paradox ghost imprint of Mom
Action: Create paradox clones of guardians
Action: Create paradox clones of betas
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat "man, i've got to say i'm a little disappointed by this "masterful trolling" you were bragging about."
"I WAS SCROLLING BACK AND NOTICED YOU WERE IN THE VEIL." "whoa, i am?" "YEAH DUMBDUMB, YOU'RE TUMBLING AROUND ON A BIG GODDAMN METEOR. AND YOU JUST CREATED YOUNGER VERSIONS OF YOURSELVES AND YOUR GUARDIANS. PROBABLY BY MUCKING AROUND WITH THAT THING LIKE A DOOFUS."
"A PARADOX CLONE IS BY DEFINITION A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED."
Action: tend to little pink monkeys Jane and John
Action: tend to little pink monkey Dirk
Action: tend to little pink monkeys Dave and Jake
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat "i was just looking at all these rascals, and i was wondering...how they go back in time and become us and stuff. does it have something to do with the reckoning?" "HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT." "you told me."
"YOU LOOK LIKE AN ELF." "that's bullshit!" "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SHOULD BE BLOWING INTO A FUNNY LITTLE SHELL, AND LIMBERING UP FOR A SILLY COOKIE DANCE." "do you even have elves?" "YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE. WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!"
"YEAH, SO WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS HAPPENING, ALL THESE PARADOX CLONES GET SHIPPED OFF TO METEORS, FLUNG THROUGH SKAIAN DEFENSE PORTALS, AND SENT BACK TO EARTH. END OF STORY I GUESS. BYE." "wait!!! so that means... we are all sort of like superman? "
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat "EB: i was sort of mulling it over while looking at all these babies with guns and sitting on ponies and things...and how the reckoning takes them back. and how you said our reckoning starts sooner." "YEAH." "are you sure it has to start so soon? can't we delay it?" "HAHAHAHA. IT STARTS IN A FEW MINUTES STUPID. SEE THAT COUNTDOWN CLOCK OVER THERE? YOU AREN'T DELAYING ANYTHING." "oh... dang! i guess i better get off this meteor then!"
"ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why! what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly?" "JACK NOIR."
"OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO. SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES."
"oh man, i just had THE BEST idea, this is so perfect. a blonde mother and daughter together, this is totally perfect."
Action: Reunite with your loving wife and daughter
Action: Descend Send the babies back and wake up

Edited 2017-08-30 06:44 (UTC)

Item: Sburb walkthrough pt 6
Action: Wander the battlefield and see Jade
Action: See destiny in the clouds
Action: Find the castle and courier
Action: Receive package from courier
Item: Jake's present and letter
Item: Jade's letter
Action: Meet Jack Noir
Item: Liv Tyler
Action: sleep on a rockerboard
Action: See the ring in the clouds
REFERENCE: Recap 2

Action: Life review: John killing Nanna by landing with the giant book, playing on the pogo ride, Dad teaching him to bake and play piano, pranking, the first time he met Jade, packing up her present, Sburb.
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat: "CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.
CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR. "
"EB: oh man.
EB: this is it, isn't it?
EB: i've been looking forward to this!
CG: WHAT IS IT.
CG: ME HATING YOU IS WHAT'S IT.
CG: IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN, YEAH, BINGO.
EB: no, i mean this is the first conversation between us, from your perspective. "
"EB: we just became earth human buddies in a kind of weird way.
EB: you decide to keep talking to me backwards through my adventure.
EB: and then when you are done with that you come back and talk to me more recently on the timeline for a while.
EB: you talk to my friends a whole bunch too.
EB: you and your alternian troll buddies help me and my earth human buddies hatch a plan!
EB: which we are busy putting into motion right now, as you can see."
"EB: i just didn't really have any idea that you had any sort of feelings like that, so i am kind of caught off guard.
CG: WHAT FEELINGS, THERE ARE NO FEELINGS, END OF DISCUSSION.
EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing!
EB: it is just that, uh...
CG: WHAT
EB: i am not a homosexual. "
Action: Land already
Action: Explore Prospit with Liv
Action: Locate Dad
Action: Reunite with Dad
Action: Leave Prospit and drop Ring of Life
Action: Wake up on LOWAS
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: It is 8ight groups of 8ight. I specifically counted them.
AG: It's sort of a thing I do.
EB: you typed my name in 64 bit.
AG: Wow. What a nerd! "
"EB: huh. it never really occurred to me to ask what your names are.
EB: kinda rude of me!
EB: what is yours?
AG: Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. ::::)
EB: man, that sounds so made up!
EB: but if you say so, marquise.
AG: Spinneret! Marquise is a title, stupid.
EB: oh, ok."
"AG: See, John? You need me to advance.
AG: Even though you were going to do this stuff anyway, it turns out I am the reason you were going to do it anyway in the first place!
AG: Your timeline is my we8, and suddenly you are all tangled up in it, wriggling and helpless.
AG: Isn't that cooooooool????????
EB: meh.
EB: so, you seem to like 8's a whole bunch, and i guess you are like, kind of spidery themed or something?
AG: Yeah!
EB: haha, spiders are gross!
AG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!"
Item: Server copy of Sburb
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: Hahahaha, no way! Karkat is so up tight, he hardly slept a wink over the whole 600 hour span of our quest.
AG: He didn't even wake up on the moon until AFTER we won the game, hahahahahahahaha.
AG: What a loser.
EB: heheh. car cat. that is how i am saying that.
EB: beep beep, meow!
EB: i will have to remember to give him a hard time about that.
AG: John, you are pretty weird! I can see why you would piss him off so much.
EB: it is really not hard to do that. "
"EB: i never even saw prospit.
EB: aside from flaming bits and pieces of it i guess.
EB: something happened, and it blew up, and dream jade died, and then i was wandering around this place that was like a chess board with a huge crater in it, with loads of dead black and white guys everywhere.
AG: Yes, I know all that! That place is the 8attlefield, which is where your dream self lives now. You will appear there any time you go to sleep.
AG: Prospit dreamers are supposed to end up there eventually. If they're any good, that is. ::::)
AG: 8ut you got there so much sooner. Normally a dreamer's journey to the 8attlefield will not 8e so spectacularly sudden and violent. Meteoric, if you will!
EB: oh, huh."
"EB: the funny thing is, he is not even really my dad.
EB: i mean, i was adopted by him, although we are not actually unrelated, i think.
EB: he is the son of my grandmother, who isn't really my grandmother...
EB: nanna is sort of like my biological mother, and my biological father would be jade's grandpa, sorta.
EB: both of which i just created, with slime and stuff, and sent back in time as babies.
EB: so i guess, if anything, that makes my dad...
EB: my half brother???
AG: ::::\
EB: tell me about it!"
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: W8! 8efore you wander too far off course like a doofus, you need to know how to get to a return node!
AG: So you can get 8ack to your computer. Here, hang on, I am making you a map.
EB: but i know where i'm going!
EB: terezi already made me a map.
AG: What!!!!!!!!"
"AG: Just 8ecause you are going to fail doesn't mean it won't 8e any fun along the way!
AG: 8y the looks of things, you have a very exciting 24 hours ahead of you.
AG: It'll 8e one hell of a reckoning!"
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "EB: that is nice to know.
AG: Yes, and 8esides. Continuing on this path and 8ringing Jade into the game I think you will agree is very important!
AG: And not just 8ecause she is your friend and you would 8e kind of upset if she died.
AG: Again.
EB: yes, i think i would be.
EB: but why else?
AG: 8ecause you need to complete your prototyping chain!
AG: Only when all players have entered with a prototyped kernel does the 8attlefield assume its final form.
AG: That form prepares Skaia to grow the new universe you will cre8te.
AG: Or in this case, fail to cre8te. 8ut whatever!"
"EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense.
EB: not because i think you are lying...
EB: i just feel like there must still be a way to win!
AG: That's the spirit, John!
AG: That is a winner's attitude, and there is always hope for someone who has that.
EB: yes, i agree.
EB: also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!
AG: Pff.
AG: Laaaaaaaame."
Action: Land
Action: Dispatch imps
Action: Inspect posters
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: John, why are you standing around wasting time????????
EB: um, i don't know. you can see my future, can't you?
EB: how much time am i wasting?
AG: Enough to make me wonder what the hell your deal is!
EB: then i would venture to guess i am wasting time because you chose to pester me just now!"
"EB: well, what about you? do you miss your planet, and your parents and such?
AG: The life I left 8ehind wasn't so hot, to 8e honest.
EB: oh. that's too bad.
AG: Why don't we not talk a8out that!"
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: Ok, I will slide you a 8r8k 8ecause clearly your 8lock was just ransacked.
AG: 8ut may8e you want to put that away? Somewhere discreet, where you usually keep it?
AG: There is at least one girl spying on you right now, you know.
EB: put what away? what are you talking about?
AG: Your pail is showing, stupid!!!!!!!!"
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: In troll culture we consider cleaning products to 8e really indecent or something!
AG: I am 8lushing furiously a8out it right now. Please try to 8e sensitive to my cultural ways and understandings.
EB: wow... uh. that is definitely pretty odd.
EB: but ok, i'm sorry you saw my bucket. i will just chuck it out the window i guess." + Action: throw bucket out window.
Action: Examine alchemiter with imps and lizards around it
Action: Boot an imp in the face
Action: Look up
Convo: Pesterlog with Rose: "EB: i have been so busy.
EB: and it looks like you have been too.
EB: i mean, hopy shit!
EB: my house is HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!
TT: Actually, building up your house has been one of the more trivial ways I've passed the time."
"TT: I convinced your nanna to install it on your computer.
TT: Before an imp threw it out the window, that is.
EB: you got her to do that? but she's an old lady! also, a ghost.
TT: My methods of persuasion have been improving.
EB: also, she is really tricky, and plays lots of pranks."
"EB: now stop being so spookily mysterious and tell me what you've been doing!
TT: Investigating, mostly.
EB: investigating what?
TT: Everything there is to investigate."
"EB: i am still skeptical about that, though.
TT: That's why you're our leader, John.
EB: huh?
TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is a defect not everyone is lucky enough to be cursed with.
EB: that's stupid.
EB: i'm not your leader, i am your FRIEND, there is a BIG difference!
TT: Statements like that are also why you're our leader.
EB: pff.
EB: laaaaaaaame."
"EB: so, if you're sure that we are going to fail...
EB: what is the point of everything we're doing?
TT: Simple.
TT: The objective is no longer to win.
EB: um...
EB: i mean, what are we actually shooting for here?
TT: To do as much damage to the game as possible.
TT: To rip its stitches and pry answers from the seams.
TT: We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility.
TT: Are you ready to wreak some havoc, John?
EB: i suddenly don't understand anything."
Convo: Pesterlog with Kanaya: "GA: Allow Me To Make This Simple
GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction
GA: Im Looking For Evidence Of Intelligence In Your Species
GA: A Reason
GA: Any Reason At All Really
GA: To Justify Wasting The Few Precious Remaining Moments Of My Life On You
GA: It Has Fallen On Your Shoulders To Supply Me With That Reason John Human
GA: Go
GT: ha ha, what?"
"GA: Okay Youre Even Dumber Than The Rose Human Thats Incredible Really
GT: pff, i know i'm dumber than rose, that is not much of a burn, dude!"
"GA: But Regardless She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation
GA: To Get You To Understand Whats Going On
GA: I Have Strong Doubts It Will Be Effective But Here Goes
GA: GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works
GA: GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like
GA: TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like.
GA: TT: you look kind of like...
GA: TT: howie mandel from little monsters.
GA: TT: even though, to be perfectly frank, he was kind of a big monster.
GA: TT: because he was a big goofy adult.
GA: TT: and fred savage was like his child prankster sidekick.
GA: GA: Is This An Adversary You Have Encountered On Your Quest
GA: TT: no, it's a movie.
GA: TT: you should ask john about it, because he thinks it's awesome, which it is.
GT: hahaha! oh man, you blew it!
GT: now i know for sure you're trolling me. rose hates that movie.
GA: Are You Suggesting
GA: I Was Being Trolled"
"GT: i really want to get a little monsters poster, but they're hard to find!
GT: i asked my dad for one for christmas. fingers crossed!
GA: Im Guessing Thats The Human Equivalent Of 12th Perigees Eve
GA: Will Your Adult Human Custodian Forage For Leavings As Ours Do
GT: yup, that sure keeps sounding alien of you.
GT: keep up the good work!
GT: listen, i'm kind of busy, i have to wrap this present and mail it in a hurry.
GT: so i'm going to block you!
GT: but i might unblock you again soon, because you're kinda cool.
GA: Your Blocks Mean Nothing But Dont Worry You Wont Hear From Me Again
GT: yeah well...
GT: you might just hear from me!
GT: also, you should give rose another chance.
GT: she is really great! whatever she did, she was probably just pulling her mind games on you, it's all in fun.
GT: there is more to her than that, you'll see.
GT: bye!"
Action: Create Cosbytop

Edited 2017-09-24 11:02 (UTC)

Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: John, stop kissing that adult 8rown male human computer at once.
EB: but...
EB: it is bill cosby.
EB: he's back.
EB: in laptop form.
AG: Man. It is just another waste of time. "
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: What the fuck are you doing now!
EB: i am going to blast off and fly a little higher, to see if i can find nanna up there!
EB: and then i will install the game.
EB: it will only take a second!
AG: No, that's not what I mean!
AG: I know that's what you're going to do.
AG: You're just not supposed to do it now!
AG: You are supposed to do something else first. And then fly up. It's right here on your timeline. 8y attempting to do the thing you're not supposed to do yet, you are just wasting more of our time!!!!!!!!
EB: jeez!!!
EB: you are incredibly bossy."
"EB: has it occurred to you that i might be wasting so much time because you keep pestering me telling me how much time i'm wasting?
EB: and then when i'm about to make progress you tell me i am doing the wrong thing!
EB: if it weren't for you i would be playing this game already.
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, shut up!
AG: Fine. I will hold your hand every step of the way, since that's apparently how you want to do this.
EB: but it isn't!
AG: I said shut up!
AG: Look, you are a8out to make yourself a new outfit, and THEN you will fly up and install the game.
EB: oh...
EB: but why would i do that? my ecto labsuit is rad!
AG: 8ecause you look like an idiot!
EB: :(
AG: Seriously, it's a good thing I did decide to 8other you now. Otherwise you would go through the game looking like a little weenie 8oy-Skylark."
"AG: You are clearly much 8etter than that. You should dress like it.
EB: who cares what i dress like? it is what's inside the adventurer that counts.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: I watched you actually say that with a str8 f8ce. Oh my god.
EB: why are you taking such an interest in my fashion, anyway?
AG: Trolls are an extremely fashion-minded race, John. You should make a note of this, since you pretend to 8e a scientist or something."
"EB: ok, anyway, i will make a new suit, but i am not ditching my ectosuit!!!
EB: it is so sweet, i look like link, if zelda was a quest about an elf scientist.
EB: i am the wind waker. it's me.
AG: I know you are, John."
Action: Empty Sylladex. Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: This is the most ridiculous pile of useless crap I have ever seen.
AG: Why did you pick up all this junk???????? Rocks, mushrooms, shoes........
AG: Jegus, John.
EB: jegus?
AG: Yes. Jegus!
EB: how do you know about jegus? do you even know what that is?
AG: I have no idea! It's something Terezi has 8een saying non stop for some reason."
"AG: John! Is that a frog I see there?
EB: uh, yes. it is.
AG: How do you have a frog already????????
EB: i dunno. i found it, and i decided to captchalogue it for some reason.
EB: frogs are pretty cool.
AG: It seems awfully early in your game for you to 8e finding frogs. Your session sure is weird!
EB: huh. ok...
EB: apparently it is considered illegal contraband.
EB: why would a frog be illegal?"
Action: Create new outfit. Item: New Vriska-fied outfit. Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "EB: i was just picturing something...
EB: more elaborate? like maybe more adventurey.
AG: Fuck that.
AG: This is a really hot look for you, John. It makes you look a million times more cool, instead of some kind of overa8sconding daggerlance fl8ling pansy."
Action: Blastoff up to the top of your house.
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "EB: ok...
EB: marquise bossyfangs mcsekret, this has been a lot of fun...
EB: but i have to go talk to my pals now, and also rescue jade!
AG: Yes, I know that, dummy! I am in complete command of your timeline, remem8er?
E8: oh yeah. sure, if you say so.
AG: We will not speak again for a while. 8ut for me it will only 8e a moment."
"EB: thanks for all the help. bye, ms. serket!
AG: 8ye, John........
AG: W8.
AG: John what?
EB: Anderson.
AG: Ok. Til next time, Mr. Anderson.
EB: (hehehehehehehehe)"
Convo: Pesterlog with Dave: "EB: hey dave!
TG: hey
EB: wow, it's been a while since we talked, hasn't it.
TG: has it
EB: i think the last time i talked to you, i was doing exactly what im doing now...
EB: which is blasting off from my house."
"EB: are you using the troll time chat gizmo?
TG: fuck no fuck that trollian horseshit
TG: its just regular old time travel
TG: im from the future
EB: oh ok. is this dave sprite?
TG: no
TG: just regular ordinary dave from the fucking future nothing special dude come on
EB: well, excuse me, but i still think time travel sounds kind of special.
EB: sorry you are so jaded by awesome shit!"
"TG: i need to borrow some boondollars off you
EB: boondollars? i thought they didn't do anything.
TG: no they do do something
EB: what do they do?
TG: what do you think they buy shit its fucking money
EB: what do they buy?
TG: i cant answer all these questions dude youll find out anyway its not like youll even really need your money
TG: you you might as well give it to me
EB: uh...
EB: how much do you need?
TG: all of it
EB: oh, fuck that!!!"
"EB: how far in the future are you from?
EB: i thought we only had something like 24 hours until, like...
EB: game over.
TG: yeah we do
TG: but chronologically ive been around for at least triple that
EB: wow. how...
EB: i don't get how that works!"
"TG: its kiddie bullshit time is serious fucking business
TG: leave it to the pros ok
EB: but, doesn't going back in time make an alternate reality?
EB: i thought that's what happened with dave sprite, he came back to make sure i didn't die and this is a new timeline now.
TG: yeah it can work that way
TG: or not
TG: ive been very careful
TG: this whole operation is strung together with stable time loops
TG: no timeline offshoots cause thats when daves start dying and that isnt no good for nobody
EB: daves, plural?
TG: yeah
TG: there are a bunch of daves running around the timeline"
"EB: so what is the future like?
EB: or uh, the 3x future...
EB: do we win???
TG: oh you know
TG: noirs outta control
TG: rose is crazy jades crazier and youre
TG: well youre you
TG: and together were up to our bulges and miscellaneous bullshit alien physiology in hot sloppy shenanigans while hatching plans under our feathery asses like a bunch of cage free farm fresh motherfuckers
TG: but im not about to get into specifics cause this is complicated enough as it is
TG: and if i started ranting too much about the future id start sounding like one of these smug alternian shitheads and im not about to drop that retarded science on my good bro
TG: so im staying on track here
TG: speaking of which
TG: give me your money"
"TG: im working the system here
TG: using time loops to manipulate the incipispheres financial sector
TG: making a goddamn killing in the lohacse
EB: lohacse?
TG: lohac stock exchange
EB: um...
EB: lohac?
TG: my planet
TG: land of heat and clockwork dude come on
TG: you know like gears and lava and shit
EB: oh, huh.
EB: that sounds unpleasant.
TG: wrong it kicks ass
EB: your unpleasant face is what kicks ass!
EB: or DOESN'T, more like.
TG: egbert stfu and give me your goddamn boonbuck j3gus fuck
TG: ill turn it into a boonmint in an hour and youll get it back ok
EB: j3gus?
EB: *narrows eyes suspiciously...*
TG: no comment
EB: i don't even know how to give it to you!
EB: they are just more weird gaming abstractions, how do we do this?
TG: you can wire it to my account
TG: ill send you the app
EB: i'm really pretty busy you know. i have to help jade!
TG: i know
TG: but this takes like two seconds
EB: bluh...
EB: fiiiiiiiine.
TG: dude
TG: dont do the vriska thing ok
TG: shes messed up we talked about this
TG: or will talk
EB: who?
TG: whatever"
Convo: Pesterlog with Vriska: "AG: First of all, who told you you could just hassle me without warning like this? That's not how this works!
EB: why not? you guys do it all the time.
AG: Yes, 8ecause we are trolling you! Those are the rules. We get to 8ug you any time we feel like, and you have to sit there and t8ke it like a chump.
EB: bluh...
AG: I am too 8usy to 8e fielding your nonsense at the drop of one of your a8surd human hats. I have a ridiculous num8er of irons in the fire. You will speak to me only when I am ready to contact you, is that clear????????
EB: that's dumb. i'm going to talk to you whenever i want!
AG: Secondly, I am very pissed off that you figured out my name.
EB: well, i didn't know it was your name for sure until you just told me now.
EB: so, haha."
"EB: a true wise guy never reveals his tricks.
AG: I will find out who told you. And then I will m8ke them p8y."
Convo: Pesterlog with Karkat: "CG: HEY SHITHEAD YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE.
CG: A WORD WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.
EB: oh no.
EB: which conversation is this for you? your second or so?
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
EB: i mean...
EB: the second time you have spoken to me?
EB: or first??
CG: JOHN, FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, THIS IS OUR TEN MILLIONTH CONVERSATION."
"CG: NOW I NEED YOU TO JOIN THIS MEMO SO WE CAN DISCUSS SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
EB: memo?
CG: CLICK THE AWESOME BANNER I MADE."
Convo: Pesterlog with Dave and Karkat: "?CG: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER DAVE.
?CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY.
?CG: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.
?CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND
?CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE:
?CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.
CTG: nah
CEB: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? really??
CTG: no"
"CEB: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?
?CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.
?CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT.
CTG: pretty sure she is
CTG: or he thinks she is or something
CTG: made it pretty obvious when he started ranting at me months ago
CTG: back when i suspected these trolls were full of shit
CTG: but now look how far weve come
CTG: theres not any doubt left about that at all"
"?CG: OUR ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE JOKE THAT PASSES FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT.
?CG: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT! THAT'S JUST ABSURD.
CTG: right
CTG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude
CEB: what is so different about your romance?
CEB: what's a quadrant? how many do you have?
CTG: john god dammit stop embarrassing us
CTG: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that
CTG: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on"
"?CG: JOHN, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE.
?CG: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO.
CEB: what does?
?CG: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS.
CEB: what!
CEB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!
?CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
?CG: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO.
?CG: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFUCK MURDER-THICKET.
?CG: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE.
CEB: well, yeah...
CEB: but terezi killed me in an alternate timeline, so that isn't too bad i guess.
CEB: plus, i am pretty sure that she is sorry about it."
"CEB: wait...
CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me?
CEB: like, romantically?
?CG: EGBERT JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS!
?CG: HE HAS REACHED A NEW RUNG ON HIS ECHELADDER, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS"
?CG: "BUCKAROO"
?CG: OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
CTG: smooth
CEB: oh man.
CEB: uh...
?CG: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT
?CG: AND THEN FUCKING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD?
CEB: i'm not sure what to think about this.
CEB: dave, what do you think i should do?"
"CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do...
?CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE?????
CTG: doesnt concern you dude"
"CTG: john just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances
CEB: uh oh!
?CG: JOHN DON'T LISTEN TO THIS FUCKER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN.
CEB: yeah, i dunno dave, i have talked to karkat a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me.
?CG: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN.
?CG: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND...
?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE
?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT
CEB: uh..."
"EB: rose and jade?
CEB: so, uh...
CEB: you want us to like, date them?
?CG: WOULD IT REALLY FUCKING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT??????
?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME?
?CG: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN.
?CG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS.
CTG: dude
CTG: no
CTG: just
CTG: stop"
ACTION: Connect to Jade
ACTION: Get hit with a pie by Nannasprite, sweet catch.
CONVO: Spritelog with Nannasprite: "JOHN: but nanna, did you know he is not really my dad? and also, i am not technically your grandson.
JOHN: you are actually sort of my mother.
NANNASPRITE: Of course I knew this, John! I have known for many years.
NANNASPRITE: I have also known that in a sense, you are my father as well. You were the one to push all those buttons, after all!"
"NANNASPRITE: You should have returned sooner! I could have given you this boon at a much lower rung.
JOHN: boon?
NANNASPRITE: Here, John. Take this."
ITEM: Sprite necklace
"JOHN: ok. what is it?
NANNASPRITE: You can use it to summon me wherever you go.
NANNASPRITE: Now we needn't endure those long spells without a good visit!
JOHN: oh cool, that is great!"
ACTION: Be Jade's server player, deploy cruxtruder, deploy totem lathe,, deploy alchemiter

Edited 2017-09-24 20:03 (UTC)

CONVO: Pesterlog with Jade: "GG: are you ok john? your dream self i mean
EB: oh, yeah.
EB: i am pretty sure that i...
EB: he?
EB: am/is fine.
EB: i woke up on the battlefield which was on fire, and had flaming bits of prospit everywhere.
GG: :(
GG: yes, but that was not prospit. that was its moon which was severed by the crazy derse agent
EB: oh, you mean jack?
GG: i dunno!
EB: that is his name, karkat told me.
EB: i saw him there too.
EB: oh!!!!!
EB: i also got your present, and it saved my life! "
"EB: you have no idea how tempted i am to name her casey again.
GG: hahahaha
GG: again?
EB: yes, i named a young salamander casey earlier, but then i left her at rose's house.
GG: you were at roses house??
EB: yes, but she was asleep.
EB: also, apparently i am supposed to marry rose. karkat said so.
GG: what!!!!
EB: it is true, it is a fact from an alien.
GG: ugh he is so weird
GG: you shouldnt listen to him!
EB: heheh, i did not take him that seriously.
EB: but karkat is cool, he is angry and funny."
"EB: i've got it.
EB: i will name her liv tyler.
GG: ????
EB: the bunny.
GG: :|
GG: you mean from armageddon?
EB: yeah!
GG: john that is so stupid
GG: but also kind of cute i guess
GG: ok then the bunny will be named after your silly movie star fantasy crush
EB: it's too bad i can't marry liv instead of rose.
EB: the girl i mean, not the bunny.
EB: but i guess she is probably dead now, along with all the other glamorous movie stars who come out to shine on the silver screen.
EB: that's pretty sad."
"EB: it's ok.
EB: i was so confused and sad when i saw you lying there...
EB: i'd rather not talk about it i guess.
GG: i understand
EB: but, i wonder...
EB: if your dream self died...
EB: then what were you just dreaming about now?
GG: ummmmmmm
GG: i think i would rather not talk about that either
EB: ok, that's cool.
EB: oh, also...
EB: i found your ring.
GG: you did????
EB: yes...
EB: but then i woke up, and didn't have it anymore.
EB: so i am not sure where it is now.
GG: oh nooooooo
GG: john that ring is really important, it belongs to the white queen!
EB: oh, whoa.
GG: when you go to sleep again, you should try to find it and keep it safe!"
ACTION: Open cruxtruder
CONVO: Pesterlog with Jade: "EB: ok, we have 10 minutes and 25 seconds.
GG: hmmmm i wonder what the significance of that number is
EB: why would it be significant?
EB: numbers don't always need to have significance!
GG: but they usually do!
EB: ok, well the number is now less than it was, and therefore less significant."
"EB: wait, are you saying we will prototype him?
EB: like i did with nanna, to bring her ghost back to life?
EB: as...
EB: another ghost?
GG: sure, why not!
EB: i guess that makes a lot of sense, actually.
GG: that is what i believe this game is for in part
GG: you got to bring back your nanna, rose brought back her cat, i can bring back grandpa, and dave...
GG: dave got to bring back a dead bird because of course he is too cool to have any dead family members
EB: yeah, also he brought back himself from the future.
EB: who... wasn't dead, but was going to die maybe? i dunno.
EB: specifically to save my life, as well as yours, i think.
GG: wait, he did????
EB: yes.
GG: that is
GG: soooo cooooool :O
EB: it's pretty neat, i guess."
"EB: we could put in something really lame, to make all the monsters weaker!
EB: or at the very least, more ridiculous looking.
EB: like one of these weird pictures of blue ladies lying around.
EB: what's the deal with those, anyway?"
CONVO: Pesterlog with Jade: "EB: what is this thing, anyway??
EB: and why is it blocking your transporter?
GG: it is some sort of terrible creature my grandpa hunted
GG: he called it the typheus minion
GG: i always hated it!
EB: typheus?
EB: like the web browser?
GG: i guess so
GG: it is probably a coincidence though
EB: hmm, i don't know...
EB: if you think numbers always mean something, why wouldn't browser names?"
"EB: i made it with my alchemiter.
GG: john that is incredible
GG: i cant wait to make stuff like that!!!!!!
GG: except...
GG: all my awesome stuff exploded with my room :(
EB: then you will just have to make lots of NEW awesome stuff!
GG: yay!!!
EB: ok hold that thought, im going to yank this stupid monster off of the thing"
ACTION: Yank monster off of the thing.
CONVO: Pesterlog with Jade "GG: what is the problem!!!!
EB: oh, nothing.
EB: i am just dropping monsters all over the place, that is all."
CONVO: Pesterlog with Rose "EB: rose, i have a question, and i am in a hurry!
EB: so hurry up and answer!!!
TT: Did you know your planet was on fire?
EB: oh.
EB: it is?
TT: Yes. It makes a good light for reading, actually.
EB: ok, haha, that's a confusing thing you said, but that topic will have to wait!"
"TT: Sorry, John.
TT: I'm just nervous about it.
TT: About whether telling you what you definitely will or won't do will alter a predetermined outcome.
TT: The result would be a splintered timeline, and we would all be sentenced to eventual oblivion.
TT: I'm presently optimistic this has not happened yet, and this is still the alpha timeline. I'd like to keep it that way.
EB: oh, wow.
EB: you mean like when i died in another dimension, because terezi hornswoggled me?
TT: Yes, sort of.
TT: It isn't much fun, John.
EB: what's not?
TT: Living for months in an offshoot reality, waiting for the curtain to drop.
EB: oh, ok, i see."
ACTION: Wake up in the ocean of oil, lose Cosbytop and sprite necklace
ACTION: throw PDA into the ocean
CONVO: Pesterlog with Rose "TT: John.
EB: blaaauuuuuuuuugh, what happened!!!!!
TT: You were sleeping.
EB: yes, i know!
EB: on the corner of my ghost bed!
EB: in the middle of an oil ocean!
EB: for some reason!!!
TT: Why were you sleeping?
TT: Everywhere I look, I see boys taking naps."
"EB: do you know if she's ok?
TT: She's fine.
TT: But you're not.
EB: i'm not?
TT: Remember how I said your planet was on fire?
EB: oh yeah...
EB: that didn't by any chance stop being a thing that was true, did it?
TT: It did not.
TT: Do you see that pinkish hue behind you, bleeding over the horizon?
EB: fuck!!!
EB: rose, this is all oil! it'll all just explode any second, won't it???
TT: I don't think the fire's rate of propagation is quite as fast as you're imagining.
TT: But the danger is still significant.
TT: Especially considering that your bed is sinking.
EB: fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!"
ACTION: Look to your right "EB: ok, thank you rose.
EB: hey, how do you know these things anyway?
EB: can you see me somehow?
TT: Yes.
TT: I have a crystal ball.
EB: oh man, really?
TT: Yes.
EB: like a magic one?
TT: I think so."
"TT: My perception of the future has been informed by other sources.
EB: like what?
TT: Informants.
EB: durrrrr.
TT: Whispering gods, memories sifted from dreams, cryptic readings from unearthed talismans, conclusions drawn from riddles deciphered - every gambit you'd expect a quest to extend to an emerging seer.
TT: Just as I presume an heir would be supplied with what's needed for his maturation, assuming he's looking for it.
EB: oh... yeah.
EB: point taken. i guess i should be looking, huh?
TT: You should probably be doing what you're doing.
EB: okay, so...
EB: with what you've learned from your dreams and gods and magic and stuff...
EB: do you have it all mapped out now? do you know everything?
TT: I didn't know why you were asleep, did I?
EB: yeah, but...
EB: neither did i!"
"EB: ok, buuuuuut...
EB: i guess that's not all i'm talking about.
EB: you seem a little different.
EB: kind of, um... spooky?
TT: Really?
EB: i just mean that before, it felt like we were in this adventure together, figuring stuff out as we went along.
EB: and now you have all the answers! because of magic, and other mysterious reasons!
EB: and you want to use your powers to break the game, and i still don't really understand why, and...
EB: bluh.
TT: I'm not actually trying to caricaturize a grim sorcerer."
"EB: i guess i just started worryin'...
EB: that you are getting away from us!
EB: because you know everything, and you're magic, and you have a crystal ball, and a salamander, and you are basically a wizard.
EB: and that's cool, and it sure does sound fun...
EB: but i kinda think it was more fun when you just did things like read books, and tell jokes.
TT: I still read books and tell jokes.
EB: BA-DUM PSHHH!
TT: John,
TT: That was mean.
EB: sorry. :("
"EB: well, if you do not have any objection...
EB: maybe later, i will drop by your planet again and rescue you, thus breaking the spooky spell put on you by your nefarious, shadowy masters.
TT: Swoon! "
"EB: please write some happy stories in your journal, about lively horses, and conspicuously not about wizards, or sadness.
TT: ... "Happy?"
TT: What is this strange, unsad emotion of which you speak?
EB: yes, this is good.
EB: you see rose, these are jokes.
EB: this are what they look like, do not be alarmed.
TT: Jokes?
TT: Are those the things people say when they want unusual noises to come out of the pliable crescent-shaped holes sometimes found in people's faces?
EB: laughs, rose. laaaughs.
EB: also, those crescenty looking holes where laughs come out of?
EB: those are smiles!
EB: observe... :D"
"EB: oh yeah.
EB: what is this treasure, anyway?
EB: and how's it gonna save us!
TT: You'd probably be disappointed if I described it.
EB: tell me anyway!
TT: Ok.
TT: It's called The Tumor.
EB: ...
EB: you're right, that is the shittiest sounding treasure i have ever heard."
"TT: Incidentally, looks like you will have your own troll stuff to attend to shortly.
EB: i will?
TT: Yes.
TT: Involving the one who hates you, and the one who likes you.
EB: um...
EB: which ones are those?
TT: You don't have a guess?
EB: uh... karkat and vriska?
EB: oh god, i was right. there they are now. "
CONVO: Pesterlog with Karkat: "EB: hey, shut up a second!
EB: i need you to be nice for a change and do me a favor...
EB: have you talked to jade recently?
EB: can you tell me what happened to her??
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS JADE.
EB: uh...
EB: hmm.
CG: JOHN, THE FACT THAT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK I CAN READ YOUR MIND JUST UNDERSCORES WHAT A HARROWING GODDAMN IDIOT YOU ARE.
EB: jade is the girl who i am pretty sure just entered our session.
EB: she is my client player.
CG: OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO FUCKS EVERYTHING UP."
[S] JADE ENTER
"CG: YOU MADE AN UNBEATABLE BOSS IS WHAT YOU DID.
CG: THE IDIOT YOU CALL THE JADE HUMAN WENT AHEAD AND PROTOTYPED HER FREAK OF A LUSUS, WHILE YOU DECIDED TO TAKE A NAP FOR SOME REASON RATHER THAN DOING WHAT A LEADER IS SUPPOSED TO DO AND STOP HER FROM BEING SO FUCKING RETARDED.
CG: YOUR VERSION OF JACK, WHO YOU WERE SOMEHOW DUMB ENOUGH TO ENTRUST WITH THE QUEEN'S RING, BECAME ESSENTIALLY INDESTRUCTIBLE.
CG: HE THEN WENT ON A RAMPAGE THROUGH YOUR POINTLESS SESSION, WHICH HILARIOUSLY, WAS ALREADY A LOST CAUSE EVEN BEFORE THIS HAPPENED!
CG: I AM JUST BESIDE MYSELF WITH THE SPECTACULAR BREADTH OF YOUR FAILURE.
CG: AND IF THIS WASN'T BAD ENOUGH
CG: YOUR "SOLUTION" LATER WOULD BE TO OPEN A RIFT IN SOME GLORIOUS GESTURE OF MEANINGLESS SUICIDE.
CG: AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW
CG: BUT THE RIFT YOU OPENED ENABLED HIM TO ENTER OUR SESSION, JUST AS WE WERE ABOUT TO CLAIM OUR PRIZE.
CG: AND NOW WE'RE THE ONES WHO HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL WITH HIM!
CG: SO THANKS A LOT, SHIT HEAD."
ACTION: Engulf LOWAS in green fire
CONVO: Pesterlog with Vriska "EB: um, sorry to cut this short, but this isn't really the best time to chat!
EB: i am in the middle of an ocean of oil that is ablaze with a lot of green fire.
EB: i need to figure out a way to escape!
EB: unfortunately, i fell asleep for some reason, and my bed landed here.
EB: i can't believe i was so stupid.
AG: Don't 8eat yourself up a8out it!
AG: I was the one who put you to sleep."
"EB: why would you put me to sleep and put me in this predicament?
AG: John, soon you will understand that you are meant to rise to gr8tness.
AG: This can't possi8ly happen unless you are challenged.
AG: There will 8e times when your limits are tested. This is one of those times!
AG: I know this 8ecause I can see your future right here in front of me. You should trust me!
EB: ok, but...
EB: i kind of get that, but it's also kind of odd...
EB: if you're seeing my future, and you know those things are the outcome, then why are you going back and...
EB: i guess, involving yourself with these events? see what i mean?
AG: Oh John, this should 8e so o8vious to you 8y now.
AG: You are going to 8ecome a gr8 hero, that much is sure.
AG: 8ut I want to 8e the one responsi8le for it!
AG: And now I am pretty much guaranteed to 8e.
AG: ::::)"
"AG: You can do it, John. 8e the hero!
AG: Just like in one of your movies a8out sweaty, rugged adult human males.
EB: ah HA!
EB: so you did watch that video I sent."
"AG: Don't 8e a8surd, John.
AG: Of course I realized that would happen.
AG: It was pretty much the whole point, you goof!
EB: what????????
EB: vriska, why would you do that!
AG: Jegus, calm down.
EB: but!
EB: no!
EB: why should i calm down when you just said you deliberately sabotaged all of us?
AG: Relaaaaaaaax.
AG: Listen, John.
AG: Regardless of what I did, he is already here.
AG: I know this consequence will 8e hard for you to accept, 8ut whenever you feel angry or confused a8out it, just repeat this to yourself."
"AG: I did it 8ecause I wanted to 8e the one responsi8le for cre8ting him.
EB: augh!
EB: BUT WHYYYYYYYY!
AG: 8ecause, John.
AG: It only makes sense that I would be the one to cre8te him.
AG: Since I am also going to 8e the one to kill him."
"EB: er...
EB: is luck actually a real thing?
AG: Yes, and I've got all of it. I am completely untoucha8le.
EB: you sound pretty cocky! you should be careful about that, that is totally how people have bigtime downfalls.
EB: especially when they act kind of nefarious!!!
AG: Nope, I don't have to 8e careful! Too lucky for caution to matter anymore. Them's the 8r8ks!"
ACTION: Be puzzled about the Windy Thing
ACTION: Do the Windy Thing
ACTION: Become Heir Transparent

Edited 2017-09-24 22:34 (UTC)

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CANON NOTES

ACT ONE

ACT TWO

ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

ACT FOUR PT 2

ACT FIVE

ACT FIVE PT 2

ACT FIVE PT 3