windeity | AWASH INBOX

For what, exactly? [Tentative. He's taking this one step at a time.]

Telling you things, or asking for them, or whatever it is you want to do. I don't want to. I can't keep this up.

...how do I fix that? [Like. No. That's a little worse.] I'm sorry for whatever it is that happened but how do I fix this?

It doesn't need to be fixed? [ dave runs a hand through his hair. ] Look. Sometimes there are just things people can't do. And there have always been things I couldn't talk to you about. I just kept trying for a while here, and that was dumb.

Why was it dumb? [Just a steely look because he kind of has an idea, but.] What happened to change your mind? It's...not dumb to try. It sucks and it is hard and we keep fucking it up but I would rather keep trying than not.

Every single time I try I upset you. Okay? So I'm not talking about that kind of shit anymore. Period. I meant to stop before anyway.

No. No, you can't use that as a baseline, that's not fair. So what if I'm upset? I will get over it and we will move on, that is fine. You can't tell me that the better option is to let it keep eating you until you do something terrible like get eaten by shadows or steal a bomb or anything like that.

I would've stolen the bomb anyway and still would do. [ but yeah he hadn't told john specifically because rose told him not to and they both agreed it would just upset him. ] If Rose were here we wouldn't have had any of these conversations, she would've kept me in line.

Okay, well, we don't have Rose right now, you're stuck with me and I am really sorry about that. But I do not agree with that. At all. It's not about staying in line.

I'm not "stuck with you" and you shouldn't be fucking sorry about that.

And you shouldn't be thinking about this in terms of staying in line. Your lines are fine!

Dude, you've agreed I'm not fair to you.

Like only in the sense of you refuse to let yourself be taken care of. Have you not noticed that?

I've asked you for things before. I let Minato make me soup and whatever when I was sick.

After I have pretty much shaken them out of you. It took you, like, hours to ask me to stay in your room with you even though that is a thing I would have immediately said yes to.

[He rubs at his eyes again but this time it's a tired motion.] I don't want to force you to be more open to asking for things, but I don't want you to not because you think we don't want to or it's not worth it.

...Look, I can't actually discuss this without sayin' shit that'll upset you. There are reasons I do not ask you specifically for things. But no, I don't really ask for them from other people either. And before you tell me it ain't fair to decide what'll upset you, we've test driven this road like five times before.

Me being upset about stuff is not always a direct correlation of you as a person. Sometimes stuff happens. It doesn't mean I can't handle this.

Can we just...forget about it? This is enough. I promise.

...[He goes silent again and shrugs.] Are you sure?

[ not really. but he can make it be enough. ]

Would I lie to you about this?

[A half-smile.] If you thought it would hurt less, yes. But it's okay.

I am sorry, y'know. About...everything. I'll do better.

It's not about you doing better. [But he pauses to poke at the fruit salad, debating where to go.]

...if you want me to stay in my own room tonight, I get it.

[ he doesn't want that, but it feels a little like he's driving a train off a cliff. even if you hit the brakes, the crash just keeps happening.

maybe if he just doesn't say anything and goes back to the head resting on crosses arms thing he won't fuck it up further. ]

[That's less than encouraging, but he'll keep trying anyway.]

Come on, dude. Apples. There's a lot of them in here.

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