windeity | RECOLLÉ INBOX

[ his heart is racing but his breathing is already locked down and even, even as his hand slides up from his chest to press at his eyes under his shades.

john's awake. so that worked. thank god. ]

...What's up, buttercup? [ and dave's voice doesn't so much as waver, quiet and to all appearances calm in the dark of the room, though he's anything but. ]

[Jesus. Holy shit, that's...the nightmare was a lot, and he knows the thing is that the place was real. LOHAC. Dave had referenced LOHAC to him before when John was drunk and dizzy and curled around him, when they talked about past lives and not knowing how to remember things right. Is that what he dreams? Things he doesn't remember right.

His own breathing is quiet and a little shallow as he debates. You don't have those kind of nightmares for no reason and not for the first time he wonders what happened in their world to cause this kind of chaos. He watches him as best as he can in the dark before he shakes his head almost sadly.]

I'm getting up, okay? [He doesn't know why he's saying it. A warning, maybe, and he slides out of his bed and carefully crosses the room to settle on Dave's bed. He doesn't touch him or anything, simply sitting close by. It might be too dark to see, but his eyes are gray again. This is real.] ...I get to make the plans next time.

[ dave doesn't flinch away, at least. he stops moving his hand beneath his shades and looks up at john, chest still rising and falling in an unnaturally even rhythm with no variation. he's controlling his breathing pattern without question. ]

...What other choice was there with an unbeatable boss? It worked, right?

[ and it was better than jumping from the roof, because dave's nightmares have always had pain in them and if he could, he would spare everyone else the deaths he has felt a thousand times over.

he learned from the time jade had to watch him die. he told john not to look. ]

You didn't get hurt.

[That's not good. That really, really isn't good and he doesn't move closer but he refuses to move away either.]

So what, the answer was for you to take the hit instead? That is bullshit and you know it.

That is always gonna be the answer for that particular question, and it always has been.

[ john isn't allowed to have the suicide missions.

dave reaches up suddenly, left hand steady, and barely touches john's cheek below his eye. ]

- Your eyes were blue again.

You didn't even let me try. [It's a harsh whisper almost because he doesn't understand how things work yet. He doesn't understand the timelines or what Time players do and all he knows is that Dave took a sword for him and

oh. He doesn't move when Dave's hand comes up and he stares at him quietly, blinking slowly so he can see his very gray eyes instead.]

...it was just a dream. Things could have been different.

[ it's cool he doesn't realize dave also took a bomb for him at one point and attempted to cut rose out of the action but FAILED, that should be a fun realization. ]

...Not without risking you gettin' hurt. It's not like it hurts less in a dream, dude. At least, not that kind of dream.

[You mean the moment John goes completely ballistic when he remembers? Yeah. Yeeeeeah.]

...what exactly are you talking about? I...that is sort of my point, Dave. It does not seem even close to being fair that you would have to get hurt, too.

I...what? It wasn't a big deal. I can handle it.

[ doesn't like to, but he can, and prefers it to letting anyone else take the fall ever. ]

Honestly. No big.

I'm sure you can, but that does not really mean you should. [Like just to counter that point.] Do you dream stuff like that a lot...?

I should when you haven't!

[ his voice doesn't raise, but it's more emphatic. he's said enough before to make it clear that there are things waiting to be remembered that are worse than what john knows now, so. he's probably worried about that?

but even if john did remember, dave would have tried to take the fall alone.

he sits up after a second, dropping his hand from where it had been hovering. ]

...As far as dreams go, it was pretty mild. You just...could have gotten hurt.

[He doesn't jolt, exactly, but the response isn't what he expected and before Dave can fully bring his hand away John reaches out to grab it. He doesn't seem quite sure what to do with it after that so he settles for holding it for the time being.]

But I didn't. And you did. And that is still just as bad to me. Even if everything was just a dream and none of it was real I don't....[He takes a breath.] I want to fight next time. I'll get better. I didn't know I had a hammer?

[ there's a pause, but dave allows the hand holding. ]

Hammerkind. Yeah. You're - you were really strong. [ and it's hard to say if a powered up john would have been allowed to try to fight bro-cal or not.

there's an intense negative reaction to the mere thought, because bro shouldn't be allowed near anyone dave loves in any way, shape, or form. ]

I - you aren't meant to die. Okay?

..."were." [There's a shake of his head and he looks away, keeping Dave's hand anyway.] Look I am sorry I am not a god yet, I cannot use my hammer right and I cannot turn into the wind yet. But I know what you are implying.

[If John's not meant to die, Dave implies that he is and that's not a road he wants to travel yet. He knows this was just a dream but it says a lot of how Dave also thinks.] That's not happening. Not again. Okay? Please?

No, that's not what I...

[ it is what he meant. but he didn't mean to make john look like that. ]

...Even if you were the heir, I would have still done the same damn thing, dude. It's - historically speakin', it's the kind of thing I do. I told you if you wanted my life you could take it, but that was maybe a lie. Even if you didn't want it, you kind of get it?

[ john and rose and jade. ]

You're up against a decade or more of knowing you had to live, no matter what.

...the heir. [The heir. The knight. Dave had mentioned--what was it? Classpects. He doesn't quite know what that means but he can guess now.] Historically speaking, you often throw yourself into danger to make sure other people don't die?

[Home suddenly sounds even more fucked up.] Why me? Why do I specifically have to live in a dreamscape?

[ he opens his mouth to say not just anyone but that's. a complete lie.

yeah, he'd throw himself into danger for just about anyone. so.

what's the actual answer? dave's silent for a long moment before he admits it, quietly: ]

Because you're one of the three most important people in the world, okay?

[ and it's not true. not anymore. or it is, but - there are other people who matter, and he knows it. but it's hard to shake that feeling of those three people and them being the only ones who really mattered for so damn long, especially after a dream about his apartment, and bro, and lohac. ]

- I know that's not how it...that's not how it is. I know that. But I can't not do everything I can to keep you safe from...whatever.

[...sometimes he thinks it's easy to be Dave's best friend and slide right back into a life he never knew and doesn't fully remember. Then sometimes, like this, he's at a complete loss what to do and he grows quiet even as his grip on Dave's hand doesn't loosen.]

So let me ask you something. If you are busy taking care of the rest of us and making sure we live, who has your back?

[ that, shockingly, isn't a hard question. ]

You all did. Do. [ the tense is worse, because he's never sure what to use, or how much he can assume of them. ] I...there are people who would do that, if I asked. Or if they thought I needed it.

[ he wants to say dirk but can't. rose would, but she remembers almost nothing and he's told her only a little. he hasn't told john everything, either. he told dirk, he told yuri, he's hit and miss admitted to certain smaller things, but it's hard to have someone's back when you don't know a single thing about what you need to have their back for.

his free hand reaches up to fiddle with his shades. ]

...There are people who have my back without knowin' it.

...so what can I do right now? [About the nightmares, about whatever Dave's thinking. He doesn't elaborate but there's a lot in his head suddenly. He used to have a role here and a part to play but he doesn't remember it enough.

It's clear here that he thinks Dave needs something though.]

[ it gets dave to stare, anyway. ]

What do you mean?

[ it's. hard to imagine john needing to do anything other than...exist, and be john, so like??? ]

...to have your back right now. What can I do right now? [There must be something.]

John you...already do.

[ not in the way john wants, probably, but dave's clearly thrown. ]

You're - why do you think you're important?

[There's a laugh, but it's a little bit choked.]

I have absolutely no idea. Other than we're best friends and the whole game fucked us over, I have absolutely no idea.

You’re -

[ he pauses. ]

There’s something Dirk and I used to do.

can't you

banned from the mod team bye?????

unbans self

rude

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