windeity | RECOLLÉ INBOX 2.0

[Huh. He doesn't say anything at first as he remains comfortably sprawled over Dave's lap and stares up at him and the cat. It's a lot to keep in mind but at the same time it's not like it's hard. It's very simply "Dave" and everything he says makes sense to John in a way he knows is only because he understands Dave himself. He doesn't answer immediately because he thinks about the people he knows and who Dave knows, but he doesn't push beyond that.]

Nothing on that list really surprises me, I think. But it is a good list to have.

I'm workin' on it.

[ not...a list of romantic checklist shit in general. he means the one he was uncertain about, and saying things, maybe, although chances are this will be neither instant nor easy.

he managed to get through one conversation with john where he more or less clarified what he wanted, even if he wasn't really great at agreeing to have it at first.

that's...progress, of some variety. ]

I know you are. [He's actually sort of impressed Dave bothered to give him a list at all. The music plays softly from his phone and he remains sprawled and leaning against Dave's legs as he stares half at him and half at the stars on the ceiling.]

You still have time for stuff like that, Dave.

You should try, too.

[ he’s still leaning over john and dave raises an eyebrow but helpfully doesn’t clarify what john should be trying. ]

[Still not quite meeting his eyes here.]

I will. I am. I think? [He's comfortable all the same even if he looks at the cat instead now.] ...I haven't really felt like myself lately. So I am working on it.

Are you? Sometimes you're just as bad as me about doin' what you actually want and what makes you happy.

[ he is of course once again talking about john's major. ]

I am still happy though. And some things are just better in the longrun. [They are definitely both hypocrites.]

Okay. So you're just as happy at a piano as you are in a bio lab.

[ #doubt ]

...I don't mind being in a bio lab? [Yeah okay.] What are you actually suggesting here, Strider?

...That I think you've been happier fuckin' around with music since you got here than you ever have been messing about with science.

[ his fingertips hook under the bottom of john's jaw to force him to actually? look at dave? ]

And I'm well aware it's your choice and I get why you're makin' it, but. True or not true?

[Cool, Dave can probably feel that John's jaw tenses up a little but also have fun staring at his blue eyes. He doesn't look defensive in the slightest though.]

Of course that's true. But like I explained to Eleanor music kind of is science, so I will figure it out. I'm not...sure what I want to do with my future yet that will create a future I'm fully happy with. And there are a lot of things I think I want that maybe it's not a thing I will want later. I am still figuring it out.

...Money doesn't exactly matter, you know. I mean, you should not worry about it, since I can pretty much make more than enough for everyone like I did before.

[ he's frowning, but he does let go. ]

You can say the words fuck off like you wanna, but. Come on: thirty-eight years this side and that side combined, at least. Have you ever not wanted music? Not telling yourself somethin' is like music. Just. Music.

[ and then he snags john's glasses so john can't see his expression. ]

Just try to think about it sometime.

[He lets Dave take his glasses and he doesn't bother fighting to get them back either. Instead, he's just staring up at him while considering how to reply.]

...I'm not taking your money, idiot. That wasn't the point. I mean maybe it is since even if she's not my real Nanna she's still the Nanna that raised me in this life and I want to make sure she's taken care of.

[He shrugs.] ...let's say I actually switched majors then. What then? I hope that maybe I can keep up and be good enough to be successful? Writing and playing for you and the girls is different than writing for other people.

[He hasn't played for Rose here, and Jade's not even around. He's aware what he's saying but it's still something to think about. Despite the arguments, he does sound at least a little more willing to think on it.]

You could consider it payin' you back. I don't think I ever got around to it, since money stopped mattering at all.

[ but okay. what then? ]

...Would you say I'm good at art?

Don't even worry about that. I clearly had no objections since I gave you everything.

["Dave's...different. We've been through a lot together in our past lives that I remember a lot about now and he's my best friend here. I'd pretty much do anything for him."]

Are we talking like. Actual art? Because no, your art isn't like traditionally good or anything but it makes you happy and it is very...you. It's funny. It's a personal style.

[ okay he. has to laugh even as he folds john's glasses up and hooks them over the collar of his shirt rather than stretching to reach the desk again. ]

So why wouldn't I give you everythin' here? And you're sweet, but I know it's not traditionally good. My point was, you wouldn't lie to me about my skill level in bullshit, even if you'd word it less bluntly than you could. Please believe me when I say you're good enough to be successful at music, because I wouldn't lie to you about what you can do, either. Not sayin' it's not work, but the difference here is it's work I kind of think you want to do. Or is music really only how we talk to one another to you? Did I read you wrong?

[He still does absolutely nothing to try and take his glasses back but sure. Thanks Dave.]

You would and that is where I have to step in to make sure you aren't bleeding yourself dry to take care of the rest of us. [He raises an eyebrow.] I know we have had this argument before but seriously. Consider letting people do things for you every now and then. Anyway…no. You read it right which is also not at all surprising to me.

[So he goes quiet, hand on his own chest and beginning to play out a slow set of notes to something Dave won't recognize.] What exactly do you want out of life? Do you know at all?

You. Rose, Jade. In the same place.

[ it's an immediate answer and one he doesn't have to think about much, two lifetimes worth of want mixed together. ]

Or did you mean what is it I want to do here?

...the latter. Obviously I want the first thing, too, but I do not know how to bring Jade back. Which sucks because I really want to meet her again.

Something relating to one of my interests, I guess? The movie thing is - I wouldn't mind workin' in cinematography, and when Rose and I discussed it back durin' senior year she thought it would be like, what did she say. A mix of all my interests...?? And it's interesting. If I didn't do this, I'd want to do photography, I guess. I'd say palentology, but...

[ ...but you have to go places for that and he doesn't want to, for some reason? ]

Career wise. But a career has never really been my driving force in life, admittedly.

To be honest, I do not think a career is the endgame for how life is supposed to go. Kind of wasn't the first time around.

[He has more to say and to ask, but he hesitates enough that he talks himself out of it and grins instead.] Cinematography makes sense and I have to agree with Rose. It's imagery and music and art. It's why I like watching movies a lot. It doesn't matter, I was kind of just thinking out loud about stuff.

[…] But thanks. Like I have told you before, music is sort of a personal thing and I quit for a long time because it hurt. It doesn't really anymore, and I know I could put in the work for it, but…always a "what if."

I don't think it's in the endgame, either.

[ but he still thinks john should switch to a music major, apparently. ]

Which I guess is why I keep bringing this up. ...I'll stop if you want.

No, it's okay. [Spoken a little too fast like he's worried Dave will completely stop talking.] I get why you keep bringing it up and...I know you have a point. But let me think about it for a while. Okay?

[ LIKE, FAIR, ]

Sure. I just...want you to be happy. [ that sounds stupid. he's glad he stole john's glasses so john can't see the realization in dave's face that he sounds stupid. :/ ]

[Dave what the hell.]

Do you think I'm unhappy? [It's a curious question.]

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