RECOLLÉ INBOX 2.0

[windeity]

JOHN EGBERT

"We came, we saw, we kicked its ass."

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

aka




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also casually puts his font here for tagging not on my laptop whoops
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normal font too!

art by doomyz on tumblr, found via reblog here

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Comments

[parodeity]

this feels like a trick question
but i guess
not feeling like if i say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing
youll disappear or
ill let you down to the point youll leave
or say things
or whatever

[windeity]

i see.
i never really thought it was about me disappearing.

[parodeity]

id rather disappear than be disappeared on
thats not grammatically correct
but if thats what youre saying

[windeity]

that is my entire point.
it has never been about ME disappearing.
it's you.
i cannot be inside your head and i never know what you are telling yourself that you are not telling me.
and sometimes i have to wonder if you are going to tell yourself someday that you are better off disappearing on me before i can disappear on you before i have a chance to tell you that is not even the case.

[parodeity]

except
there have been people
who i didnt think would ever disappear on me
or leave or let go or whatever
and every time
they do
or even stupid things like whatever the fuck with aihara

and it just makes me wonder
how long its going to take until it happens to other people too
when we hit the tipping point where im not worth it
or where you forget
or where we cant find equilibrium

and i didnt used to think like this
but it keeps happening

[windeity]

i don't know how to stop that.
thinking, i mean. i do not know how to stop you from thinking or feeling that way.
and all i can do is tell you what i know.
which is that it is not a thing that is going to happen.
that is on you if you can maybe someday believe me.

[parodeity]

you were always the optimistic one
usually
i used to let you be optimistic for me
and assume you would be right in the end
or that even if you were really fucking wrong
it wouldnt matter since wed be together on whatever ridiculous antic strewn path you dragged us down

[windeity]

"optimism through stalwart skepticism is a defect not everyone is lucky enough to be cursed with."
i know.

what changed?
why did that change?

[parodeity]

that is a rose quote not a me quote
i am guessing
because that sounds lalondian

you
want the list??

[windeity]

that is definitely a rose quote, yes.
i am guessing she does not realize she is not actually rose strider yet?

i do and i do not.
mostly because i am sort of afraid of what is on that list.

[parodeity]

i
no
not exactly

why
what do you think is on it

[windeity]

cool i will also not be the one to tell her that part either.
i don't know.
but a list implies there is a lot.
is there?

[parodeity]

kinda
i guess

to summarize
once bitten twice shy

ive just
not had a good run of trust panning out over the past year
or of people sticking around
and its you
and that would have been enough not to care or even be afraid
but jade was jade
so
it is possible for me to lose the three of you
is a thing i learned
without meaning to

hey john

[windeity]

i wish it were different.

yeah?

[parodeity]

ok

[windeity]

ok.
i am coming home.
you are free to join me whenever you want.
ok?

[parodeity]

i cant tell if youre being an obtuse motherfucker or not
as usual

sure

[windeity]

for fucks sake.
i have no idea either since i am not sure why that is a thing.
but no.
and if i am i am not meaning to be.
i think.

[parodeity]

why do you say you think
are you meaning to be obtuse about something in general

[windeity]

i don't think so?
i mean no. i am not. i have nothing to be obtuse about.

[parodeity]

ok as super unconvincing as that was im not even going to bother to pursue that
because that wasnt my point
my point is
what the fuck did you think i was saying ok to dumbass

[windeity]

uh. i was thinking it was that you thought we were ok but if that is not the case then i actually am a dumbass.

[parodeity]

thats not really like a stunning revelation

ok
even though i know how it could end
way worse than any of the other times
completely wrecking my stupid ass irreparably
ill believe in your goobish optimism
that youll be here
every tomorrow after this one

[windeity]

wow.

but thank you.
that is all i ask.
in exchange i will give you as much time as you possibly could want.
to the best of my abilities.

[parodeity]

do you want me to pull out the receipts i have on you being a dumbass

yeah
tbh even if you do break my heart
who really cares?
i think if its you im ok with just letting you
maybe